'Loving someone is just as hard as not having someone to love.' - My Fat Brother

'Listen, Scott...' Sam stops and looks at me, squinting against the sun. 'I'm sorry Ellie dumped you. I'm sorry we make you feel lonely.'
'It's not that.' I look away.
'Come on. You've got so much,' Sam says, gently.
'Did I go after the wrong things? Did I just make the wrong choices?'
'We all have to make choices.'
'Or do you only know what the right things are when it's too late?' I look back at her. 'How do you do it, Sam?'
'Do what?'
'Connection. Commitment.'
'That other C-word. Choice. A choice you make once, to love that person, to be with them whatever they do, however they behave.' She glances beyond, at my brother. 'It's a choice you then make again and again, every day. For the rest of your life, I guess.' She looks back at me. 'Loving someone isn't just about holding hands and kissing in public. Sometimes it's just as hard as not having someone to love. Harder, maybe.'
'Do you think I made my choice too late?'
'Why are you so glutted about bloody Ellie?' She shakes her head, almost angrily.
'I... She...' I mumble, cowed a little by her harsh tone.
'She was a bitch, Scott. Just let it go.'
'All right, all right.'
'Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You've got so much. I hate to say it, but sometimes you're a little bit too caught up in yourself to see what's really there.'
'What does that mean?'
But Sam has moved on, walking away from me, hands in pockets, fast, straight and strong.