spice and sugar

nothing beats being comfy n safe in my own house and in my own bed. i thank God that He has been keeping me in good hands.

something really unusual happened in school today, n i think i was pretty traumatized by the whole experience. during the bus trip with RECA boys to the singapore flyer, my mind kept replaying the scene over n over. i probably shouldn't have done what i did, n if things had taken a bad turn i would have put myself right in the face of danger. thankfully God kept us safe. i do hope the incident can be settled as soon as possible.

on a lighter note, the trip to the event at singapore flyer was quite an enjoyable one. Most of the children had a great time and much fun collecting freebies. though the stage lighting wasn't the best for our performances, i am glad everything went well n everyone had a good evening.

now i'm dead beat.. i need rest..

10 Fears and Phobias

Here's something interesting.. I only knew of no. 5 before :)

1. Arachnophobia (fear of spiders)
2. Sociophobia (fear of social situations)
3. Aerophobia (fear of flying)
4. Agoraphobia (fear of being outside of the house)
5. Claustrophobia (fear of enclosed spaces)
6. Emetophobia (fear of vomitting)
7. Acrophobia (fear of heights)
8. Cancerphobia (fear of cancer)
9. Brontophobia (fear of lightning and thunder)
10. Necrophobia (fear of death)

change of plans

-Seeing God in everything is the only thing that will make me loving and patient with people who annoy and trouble me-

Think i need to learn to be at least a Plan B versus the Plan D i am now :)

Appena la Voce

ok, i'm like quite psyched up abt the concert tmr evening. i wonder why really. just feeling very excited and cannot wait to see it. maybe cuz i watched the Raffles Voices concert at esplanade the last time n really enjoyed it. cool.. looking forward to a wonderful evening with all my colleagues and friends.

anyways, today was quite crazy for me. i managed to churn out an amended games day equipment list for logistics comm after staying up late last night and coming to school early in the morning. had to put in much more details and specifications, but i was glad it got done. it was pretty last minute but doing this made certain other things a whole lot better than before. at least it gave shape to something that was previously in a terrible shape haha.. if u noe wad i am talking abt..

well, like e.kwan said, "He never gives us more than we can handle..." i am truly thankful for that.. hey you.. remember this song and keep it in ur head ya? :)

God will make a way

i hope u're listening to this pootz... remember the first time? :)

hope this song encourages YOU too. you know who you are. jiayou alright?!

begin at the end

tmr we start school proper. am looking forward to it but also slightly dreading it at the same time. wonder if i am ready to trudge through another battle. the physical aspect i am still able to handle, it's the emotional aspect that i'm worried about.

then i get reminded of this in one of my readings. "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." (Psalm 46:1)

i feel so much better. :)

not so great expectations?

teachers who show their staff pass get to go on a free ride at the singapore flyer from 1st to 7th september. it's a special promotion in honour of teachers' day celebrations. so, taking the opportunity to have a feel of a spin on the big wheel, some of us got together on friday and headed for the ride of our lives.

or so it seemed. turns out it wasn't as fantastic as i had expected, and i didn't really enjoy myself that much in the end. i guess a lot of it had to do with the fact that it did not meet my expectations. maybe if i hadn't thought so much of it i wouldn't have ended up so disappointed.

in a way i think the same goes for people. ting once commented how i can lower my expectations of people such that i allow them to carry on being themselves with me. she says it's really difficult for her. i realise i can only do that with friends who are not particularly close. perhaps the reason why she's unable to do that is because the person concerned was family and a loved one. that makes it all the more harder doesn't it? the closer they are to u the more u would expect from them? and that makes for all the disppointment in the world.

just wanna tell ting: i noe how u feel sometimes. we just have to have faith in God and believe that He alone will bring us through all the pain and disappointments.

a company of two

many a times things are better left unsaid..

but sometimes, perhaps just sometimes, it's great to know that u have not been taken for granted. and that u're being appreciated for all ur efforts, however small they may be.

so anyways i just wanna say a big thank-you for all that u have done for me. i do not deliberately make u feel any less of yourself. do forgive me if my actions have shown otherwise. it's a terrible feeling. i know that.

strange things are happening all around.. i really wonder why..

in a thoughtful mode..

Bye Bye

*The song speaks for itself, dedicated to Por Por*

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

As a child there were them times
I didn't get it but you kept me in line
I didn't know why you didn't show up sometimes
On Sunday mornings and I missed you
But I'm glad we talked through
All them grown folk things
Separation brings
You never let me know it
You never let it show because
You loved me and obviously
There's so much more left to say
If you were with me today face to face

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on I wish
I could talk to you for awhile
Miss you but I try not to cry
As time goes by
And it's true that you've reached a better place
Still I'd give the world to see your face
And be right here next to you
But it's like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye

Bye Bye Bye Bye Bye Bye [3x]
Bye Bye

And you never got a chance to see how good I've done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together

I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the teddy bear you gave me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
You'd can make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on I wish
I could talk to you for awhile
Miss you but I try not to cry
As time goes by
And it's true that you've reached a better place
Still I'd give the world to see your face
And be right here next to you
But it's like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye

Bye Bye Bye Bye Bye Bye [3x]
Bye Bye

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye bye

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on I wish
I could talk to you for awhile
Miss you but I try not to cry
As time goes by
And it's true that you've reached a better place
Still I'd give the world to see your face
And be right here next to you
But it's like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye

Bye Bye Bye Bye Bye Bye [3x]
Bye Bye

Bye Bye Bye Bye Bye Bye [3x]
Bye Bye

We will never say goodbye

-Mariah Carey-

sleepLess

guess wad.

i'm still up, doing goodness knows wad.

insomnia muz be creeping up on me.

yet again.

...

Liveliness

wow, it's 1am in the morning! just got back not long ago from dinner and coffee with some of my juniors from sa rugby girls: eugenia, eunice, beryl and xiao ying. yi yi was supposed to join us but she was super busy with work till late into the night so we missed her :(

in a nutshell, we had a really great time catching up. like eugenia mentioned, it all still feels the same. initially i was contemplating whether to turn up as planned cuz i was feeling a tad bit tired but now i'm super glad i made the trip. hope we can meet up again before eugenia flies off for france to meet her beau! haha.. i noe i noe, for studies okies? :)

it was a busy thursday in school for me. started rushing here n there from point of touch down till point of dismissal bell. literally. no wonder e.kwan was commenting that i seemed busy. so anyway i was just telling my dearie jass that "being busy is good!" it means u're alive and kicking! :D so i'm glad u noe.. really glad...

Depression is a state of mind

hmm.. is it..? questions aside, how do u tell that to someone who's been in a depressed and anxious state for the past few months? besides helping to give a few suggestions on some meaningful activities in which to join, i suppose there was really nothing else i could do. my presence was felt though.

it is starting to occur to me that the complications of human kind go far beyond what the human eye can vision or fathom. something so deep and yet so delicate is bound to be invisible to most. many just choose to whizz by without stopping to realise the implications of the difference that anyone can make, or rather, choose to make.

doo doo doo doo doo.. guess i'm just rambling.. ouch, my knee.. ouch oucH ouCH oUCH OUCH!! pain lah..

on bended knee

my right knee feels weird, it's not bending as well as it should. i hope it's only cuz the bruised part of the bone is causing some stiffness and nothing else. my only fear is that the fall resulted in some impact on my reconstructed ligament. if that happens, i can sue coffee bean for damages but it's not gonna help my knee recover. sigh.. i should have been more observant and noticed the puddle of water. why in the world would the staff leave a huge puddle of water at the entrance?! just as serene said, if the person who fell was an old lady it could have killed her. terrible. hope n hope n hope my knee is fine. *pray*

on a lighter note, the bbq cum fishing trip to east coast park went well, apart from the fact that we got a summon for using our own aluminium try as a bbq pit haha.. quite silly really, should have just booked a pit in advance. anyway there was only 3 of us at first: huda, serene and i. then hamzah came and gave huda a pleasant surprise, how sweet :) luckily he turned up and helped us finish all the food! well done and thanks ham ham!

gotta sleep soon, need to wake up early tmr morning for doctor's appointment. shoulder follow up visit. argh.. this see doctor.. that also see doctor.. old already la..

Basketball: China vs USA
USA defeated China with a score of 101-70 yesterday :(

tough Love

-When somebody doesn't love you the way you want them to, it doesn't mean that they don't love you-

spEciaL

had a hearty breakfast with kalai, mama and duck at this hong kong cafe along sembawang road this morning. quite affordable n delicious! yummy!

went to watch the young talents musical in the pm. pillai brought her class, and the teachers who were there included nithi, bee hong, hannah, marilyn and esther k. filip n his friend (forgot wad his name was) went as well. the kids in the production were all quite cute. especially the "leave me alone" boy and the boy who was constantly munching away on his stash of never-ending snacks. the comic relief by some of the older actors was funny too. but i muz say i was expecting a bit more. was telling some of them there was still quite a bit of stereotyping which didn't really appeal to me. all in all it was a good show put up though, clap clap for the effort! btw i met daryl, my long lost fren from sa..! she's working with city harvest community services association who's the organiser of today's event i assume. it's always nice to meet someone u've lost contact with :)

wad followed after that was a cup of terrible cappucino but some delicious donuts at j.co's and a nothing short of huge dinner at tony roma's. *burp*

there's my sunday for u.. :D

simply me

-I love not to be loved, I care not to be cared for-

oLd skooL

missed my sabball session today cuz i arranged with cindy to meet up for dinner. it's been 16 years since i last saw her. my goodness how much time has passed since we last saw each other! it was a great catching up session n i'm glad we met up. the next time we'll see each other again is probably at qiushi's wedding. so happy for her too, cannot wait! :)

Think of Excellence

That we should remember this verse in all our endeavours.

"Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things."

-Philippians 4:8-

wOrked up, woRked out!

have been sleeping real late these days. it's making me think abt something my granny once said. old people don't really need much sleep. haha.. rachel recently asked if i was stressed. i said i'd like to think of myself as busy instead. there's definitely a difference between the two, right? :)

met up with some juniors n THE senior for a game of bball on mon nite. quite cool how we're getting together again cuz of one common thing that binds the bunch of us despite all these years. played only 2 games and i was maxed out but it was worth every drop of sweat. hope i can meet them every week to play so i can at least get back in shape. as in the "can play more than 2 games without having to faint" shape haha..

3000 threads of worry

latest update abt my head... it's almost bald! pictures of my newest hairstyle can be found in facebook :) shaved it in honour of Hair for Hope organised by the Children Cancer Society. this campaign's aim was to raise money and greater awareness for children with cancer. we're telling them it's ok to be "botak"! i muz say that having done this made my outlook on certain things change significantly. it's as if i left my worries behind in that heap of dead cells at the hair salon. no wonder the chinese have a term for hair as "三千烦恼丝". coolness.

graduation day

yoz!! i'm now officially an NIE graduand!! happening! the investiture itself today was pretty boring though, cuz we had to wait for 400 over names to be called out before it was our turn. but boy did we DISE graduands bring the house down when our names were called! :) it was great n we had lots of fun, lots of photo-taking, lots of catching up. the minister even requested to see and talk to our cohort. cool! maybe cuz we were making such a racket with all the clapping n screaming n standing ovation for each and everyone of our course-mates. anyway, so glad i've come to where i am today all by God's grace. shall make the best of whatever comes my way!

holiday mood

will be flying to hong kong in a couple of hours.. hope my asthma doesn't get worse. so excited, gonna go on a shopping spree! :) still kinda sore that i had to miss out on the rest of Y-camp with the RECA boys. would have been really fun to watch them overcome the challenges i think. well, need to sleep off the medicine already.. zzz..

long overdue

it's been almost a year since my granny passed on. it's her lunar birthday today, and at the initiation of my aunt who's in hong kong, the rest of the family got together for a little celebration with my grandpa. it's just a good reason to get everyone together u noe. great reason in fact. bet all 4 of my little cousins were here.

well.. i wasn't around again.. even my mom came back from her work and went back right after the gathering. maybe i am not making enough effort as a responsible family member. we all have room for improvement i guess. the only consolation is that at least i'm putting in a bit more effort to improve the relationship with my mom. miraculously we're doing really great! just dun wanna have any regrets later on u see. decided i shd go travelling with her this june hols since she's been talking abt it non-stop. should be fun this time if we dun go and drive each other crazy again like last time haha..

some updates.

just finished my dise course in nie campus this end feb and going thru my teaching practicum now. it was a great experience studying again. surprised myself and did fairly well for the 2 semesters. also fostered some very meaningful friendships with other sped teachers. they're a crazy bunch, full of laughter, madness, idiosyncrasies and what have yous. miss them terribly. couldn't have imagined when i started the course that the whole bunch of us would get so upset during the last lesson.. we hugged and cried like there was no tomorrow. promised we would make time to meet up n all. now i realise that TP is really taking its toll on us. kinda hard to find the time once u're not meeting in campus everyday u noe. so looking forward to seeing them again after the end of TP in may. gonna get together to put up a performance that helps create awareness about special education during our graduation ceremony. i say we shall graduate with a bang! :)

on a heavier note, TP is really stressing me out. doc just told me i have IBS, this stupid irritable bowel syndrome, which is mainly triggered by bad stress. gotta lighten up i suppose. can't be falling sick every now and then, especially not during TP.. gotta keep healthy and keep praying!

so many things are happening in school now. new P has just taken over not long, and many things are being put in place bit by bit. i kinda like the pace we're at now though, but i suppose in all management there's always some resistance one way or another. let's hope and pray that the P stays strong and that we move forward as a school in the way that God wills.

well.. shall try to keep this blog alive and update as often as i can.. :)

Stop And Stare

This town is colder now
I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move
I'm shakin off the rust
I've got my heart set
On anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself
Counting up the years
Steady hands just take the wheel
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal
For the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be oh..
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh can you see what I see

They're tryin to come back
All my senses push
Un-tie the weight bags
I never thought I could
Steady feet don't fail me now
I’m gonna run till you can't walk
Something pulls my focus out
And I'm standing down

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be oh..
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh you don't need..

What you need, what you need..

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Oh do you see what I see

-OneRepublic-