i have the audacity

hey.. i just discovered something. i can play songs from you tube and record it with audacity and export it into mp3 format! may not be a really big thing though, but it's something i found out for myself n so i feel really good abt it! but before i can export it as mp3 i need to load something called the LAME encoder from the audacity website. cut n paste it somewhere in my program files. then open it.. and wah la! i'm such a genius rite!! i mean me! anyway they really do have 'innovative' names for their programs and files dun they?!

so i recorded this song somewhere over the rainbow (Israel Kamakawiwo'ole version) and had it exported n now i have my very own rainbow mp3 song in my computer! it's a song i've always wanted and searched high n low for but no one could tell me where i could get it.. i was even prepared to pay 20 over bucks for it if only i knew who it was sung by and what album it was in. but not anymore hehe.. and at this point of time i feel it really lifts me up. was feeling so down in the dumps.

sometimes things just happen and u have no way of control over it. i feel so depressed rite now n i can't even ventilate to anyone safe for the occasional sensation of nausea seemingly creeping over me every other minute.

*somewhere over the rainbow on an all high repeat mode*

for now, just wave and say hi when u see me. it's just too hard to talk abt it. dun probe. dun ask. dun question. dun shoot quizzical looks. dun mention work. dun judge. dun be concerned. just dun. i really dun deserve it.

What Sesame Street Personality Am I?

***You Are Big Bird***

Talented, smart, and friendly... you're also one of the sanest people around.You are usually feeling: Happy. From riding a unicycle to writing poetry, you have plenty of hobbies to keep you busy.You are famous for: Being a friend to everyone. Even the grumpiest person gets along with you.How you live your life: Joyfully. "Super. Duper. Flooper."


The Sesame Street Personality Quiz http://www.blogthings.com/thesesamestreetpersonalityquiz/

a different perspective

i never knew perspective in its entirety. how one could look so out of place yet be in place. how a moment in time could fade in its next instance. or how a tiny bird could have all that it needs in the whole wide world just being in its little nest doing what it always does.

seems i'm in yet another transition in my phase of life. haha.. i'm back to studying again. yeah.. 4 weeks into the term in nie doing dise and i'm proud to say i've not dozed off in any class yet. the amazing thing is, i dun intend to actually. probably cuz i'm into something i really feel meaning for. getting into new situations and meeting a whole new bunch of people really disrupts ur equilibrium sometimes u noe.

the reason why i've decided to post something here today.. well, there's no particular good reason really. it just so happened that i had a thought. an impression. a judgement of sorts. n i fed that with negativities everyday for the past 4 weeks. n it grew. n all it needed was for me to take one look at the thoughts coming out of this certain 'persona that made an impression' and my critical judgement wavered. could i have been mistaken? or are there really some souls who hoard and put into deepest hiding their true nature, a finite amount of goodness that they refused to share, that no one ever really had a glimpse of.

perhaps being deep is in equation to being engulfed in oneself with no regards for others. well.. who am i to judge? for God i am not..

天黑黑

我的小时候
吵闹任性时侯
我的外婆
总会唱歌哄我
夏天的午后
老老的歌安慰我
那首歌好象这样唱的
天黑黑欲落雨
天黑黑黑黑
离开小时候
有了自己的生活
新鲜的歌
新鲜的念头
任性和冲动
无法控制的时候
我忘记还有这样的歌
天黑黑欲落雨
天黑黑黑黑
我爱上让我奋不顾身的一个人
我以为这就是我所追求的世界
然而横冲直撞被误解被骗
是否成人的世界背后总有残缺
我走在每天必须面对的分岔路
我怀念过去单纯美好的小幸福
爱总是让人哭让
人觉得不满足
天空很大却看不清楚
好孤独
天黑的时候
我又想起那首歌
突然期待
下起安静的雨
原来外婆的道理早就唱给我听
下起雨也要勇敢前进…
我相信一切都会平息
我现在好想回家去
天黑黑欲落雨
天黑黑黑黑

孙燕姿

moving on..

they keep telling me she's in a better place. i guess i didn't expect it, but the pain of losing my granny was almost more than i can bear. it was too sudden and too soon. at the very least i was with her when she left. wouldn't have been able to forgive myself if i wasn't. i thank God for wonderful friends who were around throughout. thank you all. however unfortunate this maybe, it has served its higher purpose. the family has come together and is closer than we could ever have been. God is indeed wonderful..

LighT houSe

a fren asked wad i was doing for my birthday this year n i remember saying i wasn't planning anything. turned out i didn't have to anyway. thanks to a bunch of friends who refused to leave me alone during this period, n i really appreciate that.. got myself a couple of cool presents to boot.. once again, thanks.. n i love u all.. muacks!! :)

as always at this time, i'll look back at the past year n try to picture all the ups n downs in my life. i muz say God has indeed been gracious n given me more good things than i deserved. i just need to remember that.

the reason

not that u'd ever bother to ask why.. but juz so u noe..

cuz it seems to me it doesn't even matter anymore if i care or not.. call me petty.. call me sore.. it's juz the way i am.. similarly.. that's juz the way u are.. never thinking twice abt some things.. never bothering to ask why.. possibly it didn't even in the least bit affect u at all..

well.. we're still cool.. rite..?

Chasing Cars

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

-Snow Patrol-

B-r-r-r-r-rilliant!!

silly sports & goofy games, all kinds of animated celebration cheers, many learning structures, various innovative ways to implement structures, very engaging trainer, fun filled activities that also fire up the neurons in our brains..

in a nutshell, that abt sums up the cooperative learning workshop i attended for d last 2 days at grassroots club. really glad i attended this course! now i find that i have a clearer direction towards teaching.. it was simply "grate, grate, grate, grate..!!" haha.. this is an example of a cheer christi taught us at the workshop. it's called the cheese cheer.. hehe.. get it? there's an action that goes with it, u gotta pretend that u're grating the cheese with both ur hands :) u noe wad? the cheers were my favourite part!! *sheepish grin*

i still feel so drained though, haven't managed to rest at all this march break. tmr's last day of hols n i'll prolly be spending the whole of it back in school settling classroom n lessons n pre-voc stuff.. jiayou jiayou!!

Listen

Listen..
To the song here in my heart
A melody I start
But can't complete

Listen..
To the sound from deep within
It's only beginning
To find release

Oh..
The time has come
For my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own
All cause you won't
Listen..

Listen..
I am alone at the crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried
To say what's on my mind
You should have known
Oh..
Now I'm done believin you
You don't know what I'm feelin
I'm more than what
You made of me
I followed the voice
You gave to me
But now I gotta find.. my own..

You should have listened
There is someone here inside
Someone I'd thought had died
So.. long ago

Oh..
I'm free now and my dreams 'll be heard
They will not be pushed aside or turned
Into your own
All cause you won't
Listen..

I don't know where I belong
But I'll be movin on
If you don't..
If you won't..

LISTEN..!!
To the song here in my heart
A melody I start
But I will complete

Oh..
Now i'm done believin you
You dont know what I'm feelin
I'm more than what
You made of me
I followed the voice
You think you gave to me
But now I gotta find.. my own.. my own..

-Beyonce-

恩典

i totally blew it. why is everything always so screwed up? for the most part that is..

okies.. juz needed to rant n rave. anyway, now for the good news.. i got my application for NIE's diploma in special education!! ms lim walked up to me while i was in the middle of getting my kids to hang up their aprons out to dry in the quadrangle. took some time before i actually managed to open the a4 sized envelope cuz i needed to settle them for recess n all. my heart literally leapt. that's right. i was ecstatic. well then there's the thing abt it not being a confirmation, it's juz an application. still.. i'm glad i got it. this is the first step. God's truly gracious. He juz ain't giving up on me eh? hmm.. peiyi.. guess it's about time..

anyway.. my march hols are already fully booked. course on mon, wed n thur, do stuff in sch on tue, take a look at job fair plus work out proposal for pre-voc on fri. wow.. we're good..

and hey.. pls ask me out for dinner will ya?

累

-with all the horror that's going on in the world.. what difference does it make?-

so u like purple right.. here goes, this is for u :)

i'm really really really really tired.. but.. so is everyone.. so who am i to complain? my only consolation: term 1 is officially coming to an end in THREE days. hang in there my dears!

sent carmie off on saturday. it was really sad seeing her go, but she'll soon be back! we've even booked the day to fetch her the next time she returns. hehe.. u see if i dun go..

met up with some chilli peppers team mates for wine n cheese at wine garage after that. brought priscilla along with me. we so totally enjoyed the crazy night haha.. cuz after we ate n drank we went on to sing like mad at cineleisure. musta been quite an eye opener for pris :) glad she had fun.

well.. so that was all the enjoyment i had for my weekend. sunday was bad. jeannie called n i didn't even manage to talk to her much. felt really lousy. n it was supposed to be yuan xiao jie, didn't even join my family for the dinner.. bleah..

anyway.. the bigger boys in my school have unknowingly but expressedly revealed to me their latest fascination with 2 new additions of our school. it's so interesting watching their gaze follow marilyn or zheng min whenever they walk by. moreover, my class is driving me crazy with all their love problems and what nots.. we shall see what comes next.. brace urself miss shen!!

Hand In My Pocket

I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five

I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm worthless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette

What it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign

I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm shy but I'm friendly baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chicken shit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby

And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano

What it all comes down to my friends
Is that everything's just fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxicab...

-Alanis Morissette-

some thoughts

finally managed to go through my friendster account.. received quite a few msgs from some friends. so sweet of them. was juz mentioning to peilin after her netball carnival that i've been seeing n hearing stuff from my past recently. like the pple i used to hang out with, the latest updates of some old friends, the music i used to listen to.. then she said maybe it's time to catch up with my old frens again. i think it's a sign i'm getting old haha.. saw her coach at the carnival. his hair's greying at the sides. he looks old n tired to me. my coach's face flashed in my mind that instant n i realised that she too is getting on in years. hope they've lived their lives pretty much the way they wanted it, since they've given so much of theirs towards the enrichment of others. so wei da can..

met up with a minor accident late fri night when i was in this cab. i swear my life almost flashed past my eyes as it happened haha.. think i'm still a little shaken from the experience even though it was not my first. thank God for keeping me safe. each time it happens i get increasingly freaked out by how fragile life is. so i shd resolve to live my life to the fullest!! shall do my best then :)

-jaded-

according to one dictionary, jaded: worn out; wearied. hmm.. maybe i'm just that.

my principal came up to me shortly after the dismissal of the pm session today and asked me, "still here?... are you being overloaded?" haha.. i wanted to scream yes i feel so!! but then again i thot maybe i'm the one who needs to spend more time n effort in managing my time.. hehe.. talk abt the irony of it all man..

well, i am tryin to cope with many things at one time. guess i've been going on n on abt this for some time now. had a really long talk with lina last nite. i do feel better. been really emotionally dependent recently. especially on peilin. haha.. she so poor thing la.. but i'm glad she's been ard. at many points in life there's always someone i needed who wld always be there. and i thank God for that. well.. i'm gonna fight on! :)

boo

shortly a few days after my last post i received a text from audrey. this came as quite a surprise for me as i didn't expect it from her. she sent me her love and told me that if i needed she wld be there for me. thanks ya. i noe u're busy with ur life n all, but that was sweet of u :)

haven't been slpin well lately. dealing with the allergic rash that has been around for goodness knows how long, recurring stomach upsets, bouts of headaches, and now an asthmatic cough coming its way.. bleah.. it's the stage where murphy's law applies: anything that can go wrong goes wrong. oh well, i'm not just lamenting la, also trying to make things right again. one at a time i guess. perhaps there r many lessons to be learnt in the midst of all these now, but i'm simply not seeing it. not rite now at least. i do know however that i will in time to come. that's the thing with me. it's still better than not seeing it anyhow rite? yeah :)

think carmie's heading back to aussie soon n i have yet to meet up with her at least for the 2nd time? the last we met for a seniors juniors frenly at sa and had dinner together after that. gotta find time to catch up with her and pass her something i got for her before she flies off again.

bbaxn season is gonna start soon. this time i wanna make sure that i train regularly at least to keep myself fit enough for the games. haha.. my new year resolution. that's abt it.. chaos!

I Wish You Love

I wish you bluebirds in the spring
To give your heart a song to sing
I wish you health
And more than wealth
I wish you love

And in July some lemonade
To cool you in some leafy glade
I wish you health
And more than wealth
I wish you love

My breaking heart and I agree
That you and I could never be
So with my best
My very best
I set you free

I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
And most of all
When snowflakes fall
I wish you love

My breaking heart and I agree
That you and I could never be
So with my best
My very best
I set you free

I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
And most of all
When snowflakes fall
I wish you love

And most of all
When snowflakes fall

Rachael Yamagata

2007

the year starts with a whole load of mixed feelings for me. there were good ones, not so good ones, bad ones, all rolled into one. guess it's more intense now with all the complications arising, be it at work or at home or with friends and loved ones.

there are many things which i admit i would have done differently if i had the choice to turn back time. but here i am now, n it seems there's no longer a 2nd chance for me to change things. i can only move on from where i am and look ahead. easier said then done though. certain wounds simply refused to heal. i can only wish the best for you.

okies, for a start i shall juz pick up the pieces from where i left off. it's been some time since i was last here. i'm taking a senior class this year. much more work, many more problems to settle, many more meetings, much more stress. well i guess that's just the way it is. this was nv meant to be easy. need to get a breather every now n then, but i shd manage.

shanice has given birth to a cute little boy called tristan late last year. n who named him? it was none other than yours truly :) hope she continues to be happy in everything she does n i wish keith n her a life full of excitement n a marriage of bliss.

kalai turned 21 this year. hehe.. celebrated her birthday at acid bar followed by part 2 along the streets. did we get wasted man! haha.. hope she had lots of fun..

on a heavier note, my granny has been diagnosed of ovarian cancer in the 3rd stage. this really came as a shocker to me. completely threw me so off balance that i avoided addressing the problem for quite some time. now that i've moved back home i wish i can do my part as i shd have done way before. there's always a first step for everything. although it was with such a heavy heart that i left where i was, i do wish love to those i had to significantly leave behind. no one can have the best of both worlds.

i thank those who have been there for me all this whole time regardless. it's the littlest things which make friends worthwhile. i wanna thank: kathryn, shanice n kaiqi for remembering me everytime despite my terrible absence, ting for being my listening ear when i wanna gripe abt life, hannah for being such the practical advisor, jass for being so cute i forget the unhappy stuff that grip me, lina for being ard when i least expect it, peilin for staying up with me all my tearful n sleepless nites, mag for her concern even in the midst of her own problems, peilee for the occasional n lovely text msgs, duck for making me feel better just by the nice things he says, n kalai for all the times of fun n laughter peace n joy. i'll never forget :)

last of all.. i wish ewe love..