reality bites

i missed d wake. i'm d freakin coward escapist. do i not noe how 2 face death?! how come i chose 2 back out?! is it cuz i feel i'm incapable of dealing with d situation? or do i juz not want to grapple with issues of death again. nice try huh, proclaiming tt i'm a changed person with refreshed views n perception after reading some book, den when death really throws itself in my face, i chickened out. is dis a test? if it is den i'm gonna hafta say i flunked it. real bad. dun think i can bear 2 see d look on benny's face. he wld be juz like my bro when he died.

same. cold. hard. pale. pasty.

benny left juz as abruptly.

God i hate it. why.