beHind tIme

okies.. this is in honour of sick birdie..hey jass jass!! :) haha.. okies i haf not blogged for a long time.. not that nothin interesting's been happening.. prolly too busy.. (excuse!) or maybe i juz have too many things to say that i dun wanna bother..

anyways, got a msg from marc the other day abt the boys going into action again for paya lebar cup, wish them all the best, perhaps i can watch their 2nd match tmr. hmm.. think i muz make it a point to go cuz i kinda miss them.. haven't heard the crappy boys for some time already..

pple at work hav been really good to me. thank God for that. hope i can always do my job well.

bumped into yaqi today while on my way to ny for frenly with ling yun. it's been so long since i last saw her.. kinda lost contact when she changed her phone, so was really glad when i saw her. still somewhat the same, flamboyant n all.. n not working at the moment. time for me to make it a point to meet up with her n do some catching up! before she plunges herself into the working world again.. lucky girl.. so carefree now..

hmm.. think my life's been revolving around lots of changes recently.. cannot say i'm entirely adjusted to it all yet, i'll juz haf to get used to certain things. i always noe that the only constancy in life is change, but somehow i cannot bring myself to overlook the iminent possibilities that changes bring. how ironic. perhaps i need more time to deal with everything.

still seekin to be understood.. that's all..

unreason

no.. i'm not fine.. but thanks so much for asking..

i'm sick.. depressed.. stressed.. upset.. n worst of all misunderstood..

care n concern for others is seriously over-rated. perhaps it's time to denounce it.

maybe it's my time to disconnect from the world cuz tears only do so much.

一路北向

后视镜里的世界
越来越远的道别
你转身向背
侧脸还是很美
我用眼光去追
竟听见你的泪

在车窗外面排徊
是我错失的机会
你站的方位
跟我中间隔着泪
街景一直在后退
你的崩溃在窗外零碎

我一路向北
离开有你的季节
你说你好累
已无法再爱上谁
风在山路吹
过往的画面
全都是我不对
细数惭愧我伤你几回

后视镜里的世界
越来越远的道别
你转身向背
侧脸还是很美
我用眼光去追
竟听见你的泪

在车窗外面排徊
是我错失的机会
你站的方位
跟我中间隔着泪
街景一直在后退
你的崩溃在窗外零碎

我一路向北
离开有你的季节
你说你好累
已无法再爱上谁
风在山路吹
过往的画面
全都是我不对
细数惭愧我伤你几回

我一路向北
离开有你的季节
方向盘周围
回转着我的后悔
我加速超越
却甩不掉紧紧跟随的伤悲
细数惭愧我伤你几回
停止狼狈就让错纯粹

周杰伦

hole..

i'm such a freaking lousy fren.. sucks..

sorry jinx..

Underserving

i came online thinking i had loads of things to put into words..
n now as i'm staring at this page i feel as if my mind's never been more empty..

someone says: pple move on into diff stages in life, with diff frens n diff lifestyle.. so u put those who belong in the past in the past..

i say: humans are mean beans n they hanker after wad's new, forgetting the old.. we all do that..

well.. whichever way u put it, we're juz such limited beings aren't we? cannot help it at all. juz can't. maybe i think too much.

Iris

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

Goo Goo Dolls

like a cloth woven..

today a dear fren of mine actually told me that some things have changed n are no longer wad they used to be. she feels that the days of openly sharing her feelings n experiences were over. n i didn't even see it coming. during our chat online i was thinking to myself: not like i intentionally kept myself from her such that we drifted wad.. did i? d 3 of us who used to be so comfortable together.. have we lost that in oblivion? sigh.. gotta fix this if we can.

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i noe this person who's suffering from dyslexia. she juz told me recently that it's not even mild dyslexia in her case. so i suppose she means she's severely dyslexic. i always thot there was only one symptom to this. like spelling ramble as ramdle and buona vista as bouna vista. during the course of one conversation unrelated to this matter, i learnt from another certain someone however that there are other even more serious repercussions to this particular disorder. the reason why i was so interested to find out abt dyslexia was this. the person in question really impressed me. she's so professional n confident in her daily work n all.. one cld nv have guessed it. well, still i noe she has many other things to deal with besides this, so that makes me stand in awe of her even more sometimes. quite an inspiration..

aRigaTo

ok, here's the photo we took at the sajc alumni dinner. my dearie classmate yanling actually took d effort to send this to me, how sweet of her.

well, there were only like 7 from our class who went, still it was quite a joy seein them, n all the rest of my bball mates too of course, juz too bad we didn't snap any shots.
so it seemed junyang was d ultimate centre of attraction but we didn't really feel as ultra 'xinfu' as some of the near screaming waitresses n younger juniors who were waiting anxiously behind the camera person who was taking this shot so that they can start to mob him haha.. it was great seein some of class 2A4 again, wish there were more who came though. oh.. jy's still shorter than me.. aiyo.. tsk tsk.. haha so mean to still tease him abt this even now.. well, i kid..


so here's my thank you list for the day:

thank yoU for everything.. the trouble dolls n heartfelt chats n eating outs n shopping sessions n sharing n trust n joy u bring to me all these years..

thank yOu for the pulley n key chain n lollipop n smiley n minna n the fun n the laughter yOu brought to my life..

thank YoU for the constant weeks of convenience at ur inconvenience that i may enjoy the grace i've been promised n warm milk n ocassional talks that we've had before drifting off to sleep..

thank You for the simple friendship n times when we had to scrimp n save juz to get a coloured drink..

thank ewe, for simply being ewe. wouldn't have wanted it any other way..

n last of all, thanks to God for having given me everything n all the love n care that i never really deserved..

Here Without You

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face

A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don’t think I can look at this the same

But all the miles that separate
They disappear now when I’m dreamin' of your face

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me

Everything I know
And anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won’t take away my love
And when the last one falls
When it’s all said and done
It gets hard but it won’t take away my love

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

3 Doors Down

What A Mess!

The loss of mystery has led to the loss of majesty.

The more we know, the less we believe.

No wonder there is no wonder.

We think we've figured it all out.

Strange, don't you think?

Knowledge of the workings shouldn't negate wonder.

Knowledge should stir wonder.

Who has more reason to worship than the

astronomer who has seen the stars?

Than the surgeon who has held a heart?

Than the oceanographer who has pondered the depths?

-Max Lucado-

bashful brilliance

beautiful ain't it? like d sun's peeking thru the leaves..

moment captured but soon to be lost..

tAke fLight wiLL yOu?

i simply HAVEN'T got the time to read any other fren's blogs cept for those written by jinx, em, carm n matt. argh.. so so so tired..

hmph..

maybe u'll simply never noe rite? it's ok really.. fine by me..

wah..

incoherent piyo..

special People, special Me

to sum up, i've literally made myself fit to be labelled a movie buff. 3 movies in d previous 2 days?! hah, let's recap.. corpse bride on friday evening with jinx, andy lau's wait till u're older on sat evening with chia ying, n i watched the myth by myself sat morning too. well i do tt once in a blue moon. wad a weirdo i hear? haha oh well.. when i'm sure no one's gonna watch it with me n i was at the rite place at the rite time, so wad the hell? incidentally those who were in d cinema were all like me. think there were abt 6 of us. haha.. annual union of the lone rangers.

anyway so glad jinx is back from the U.S man, been away for so long. heard abt some of her experiences, quite amusing.. happy for her.. oh she got me something that's from guatemala called trouble dolls. 1 for each of my troubles a day. altogether there r only 6, so i'm only allowed to haf 6 troubles a day. hehe.. hope i dun haf to use any of them okies? thanx babe, love ya :)

perhaps it's due to the nature of the school i'm working in, i've been getting increasingly interested in things having to do with special education and people with special needs. met up with chia ying (one of the teachers in grace orchard school) n went for the very special children's arts exhibition at atrium@orchard at plaza singapura. it amazes me how well they can express themselves thru their bold strokes of colours. 4 of our students' works were displayed there too, n i think they were quite impressive. actually felt some sort of pride when i viewed them. then juz this morning i went for the national disability games held at nus. our bball boys played really well n emerged 2nd, quite an accomplishment i muz say, n again a quiet sense of pride welled up in me. although some of them misbehaved, all went well on the whole.

anw when i was at the arts exhibition i realised there was a support group for pple with muscular dystrophy. this was the genetic disorder that my brother was suffering from. when i knew this i kinda felt that, u noe.. that at least there's some sort of association out there helping these pple n i felt really glad. then it juz struck me that having such a close brush with disability in the family was perhaps the reason why i ain't afraid now. wad i mean is that i used to find it absolutely appalling n odd why some pple are simply intolerant of pple with disabilities. or intolerant of anything for that matter. hmm.. can't really get wad i'm trying to say across at this point of time. i'm prolly tired. another day perhaps..

friends.. pls tk care of urselves k? weather hasn't been good n wad with all those diseases n all, do be on high alert at all times. wish i had more time to catch up with everyone. meanwhile stay healthy n happy! praying for You, u, you, ewe, yoU, n yeah.. yOu..

The Ultimate Collector / Consumer

this excerpt was taken from my best fren's blog. some quite interesting points abt myself that i prolly nv knew much abt.. hmm.. didn't really crack my brain enuff to examine wad it's saying exactly though. still, it's worthy stuff to be posted. okies here goes, courtesy of jeannie chan, best pals always ya? :)

----------
For as long I've known her, Peiyi has been collecting one item after another with relentless determination. From little porcelain cups, to McDonalds' soft toys and even DVD collections. She had to get every single piece and complete every collection otherwise she'd feel quite unsatisfied.

Peiyi, remember I once told you that I'd tell you about what it meant to collect and to be a collector? I did a search on the Net and found the theory that I once came across while I was reading Jean Baudrillard during my Uni days. Here are some key points of his theory based inferences made on secondary sources (if you really want to do Baudrillard justice, you'll have to get hold of his book, "The System of Collecting" and read it.):

--> The collection offers a paradigm of perfection and constitutes a 'system' on the basis of which the subject seeks to piece together his world, his personal microcosm. It is an attempt to gain mastery over an otherwise chaotic reality.

--> Objects, upon being possessed by the collector, stop being defined by their functions and enter the order of subjectivity. Abstracted from its context, each object loses its presentness, displaces its temporality to the spatiality of a fixed repertoire, in which classification substitutes history. In this sense, collecting becomes an act of enclosing the object in such a way that its context is abolished in favour of the synchronic logic of the collection.

--> A key paradox lies in the act of collecting: The hunt to possess the single object and the serialism of amassing more and more objects.

--> The acts of collecting generally depend on a form of consumption, but a form in which the product is carefully preserved, not used or used up; on the other, they are clearly acts of production, the making of the collection per se, the creation of a certain order. In an era when it is difficult to manifest one's individualism through fashion (consumerism-as-usual) and when few Americans are satisfied to define who they are through the daily work they perform, collecting may serve as an especially satisfying mode of self-definition. The "miracle of collecting," after all, as Jean Baudrillard put in Le système des objets (1968), is that "what you really collect is always yourself." Whether your collection serves as a public display or as a private preserve, it's a form of expression where you materialize that abstract thing called the self, where you can thus see and handle yourself, even talk to yourself, taking comfort in the way objects stabilize you as a subject.

--> The key quality of a collection: The missing piece. The absent element is crucial to the collection process as it interrupts what Baudrillard has called, the 'deadly hypnotic allure of the collection to which the subject otherwise falls prey.' By this, I gather that Baudrillard feels that the act of collecting one item after another can be hypnotic, but the allure of remaining in thr stasis of self-imposed hypnosis is usually held at bay by the fact that the collector will always face the trouble of the 'missing piece', which forces him to break out from his own microcosm to socialize with other people, such as other collectors, in effort to locate the missing element.

*Note: Jean Baudrillard was a French philosopher who wrote extensively on consumer society, consumption and commodification.

indifference

when it's right there in front of u.. it appears to haf adopted traits of invisibility.. u overlook it's existence.. u ignore it's efforts.. u simply ride on when it passes without so much as any hint of acknowledgement.. instead u hanker after the aloof n what's miles out of your universe.. u're bothered when u stretch for the unreachable n u fall short of it by far..

such is the irony of human nature..

you're beautiful

some pple haf sad lives don't they? beauty flees at the sight of them.

Nowhere to run

haf tried once again to challenge the fragility of life. i almost died a brightly lit death on lantern nite. thank you God for keeping my puny lil heart alive till now. nevertheless it was adrenaline rush fun. thereafter an extremely kindhearted man drove a bunch of crazy birds all the way to the doorstep of their intended destination. wad a nice soul eh? 'qia' him coffee next time i see him haha..

i realise we must always remember to give thanks no matter wad. to always be appreciative. lest anything untoward happens to whoever or whatever ominous crops up or wherever becomes no more. before time runs out so abruptly u wun even know wad hit u. in the past i was a thankless person n didn't even noe it. i guess as we all grow n experience different pple n encounters our perception n values undergo fine tuning. thank God for those who haf taught me :)


I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

那女孩对我说

心很空　天很大　云很重
我恨孤单　却赶不走
捧着她的名字　她的喜怒哀乐
往前走　多久了

一个人心中只有一个宝贝
久了之后　她变成了眼泪
泪一滴在左手　凝固成为寂寞
往回看　有什么

那女孩对我说　(说我)保护她的梦
说这个世界　对她这样的不多
她渐渐忘了我　但是她并不晓得
遍体麟伤的我　一天也没再爱过

那女孩对我说　说我是一个小偷
偷她的回忆　塞进我的脑海中
我不需要自由　只想背着她的梦
一步步向前走　她给的永远　不重

黄义达

this empty street

this sucks. not so much the ultra boring n over-rated mid autumn fest at hwa chong. not the lousy n possible stale almost inedible food which induced me to tears towards the end. not the goodness knows how bad knee injury i incurred. not the police incident. not even the constant sniffing i had to withstand throughout the nite.

it's ewe.

n now as i sit here typing this miserable entry in the most sickly state i doubt if this even comes close to how i felt when realisation hit me.

pls enjoy ur colours then. and leave me be.

xIn fu

warmly prepared milk might make me slp better sometimes.. juz for that minute i felt so pampered.. barely a fleeting moment though.. thank u for that :)

do ewe u get it when i say "u always look but u nv see"? guess not.. cuz if otherwise i wldn't still be running ard in circles here..