wOrked up, woRked out!

have been sleeping real late these days. it's making me think abt something my granny once said. old people don't really need much sleep. haha.. rachel recently asked if i was stressed. i said i'd like to think of myself as busy instead. there's definitely a difference between the two, right? :)

met up with some juniors n THE senior for a game of bball on mon nite. quite cool how we're getting together again cuz of one common thing that binds the bunch of us despite all these years. played only 2 games and i was maxed out but it was worth every drop of sweat. hope i can meet them every week to play so i can at least get back in shape. as in the "can play more than 2 games without having to faint" shape haha..

3000 threads of worry

latest update abt my head... it's almost bald! pictures of my newest hairstyle can be found in facebook :) shaved it in honour of Hair for Hope organised by the Children Cancer Society. this campaign's aim was to raise money and greater awareness for children with cancer. we're telling them it's ok to be "botak"! i muz say that having done this made my outlook on certain things change significantly. it's as if i left my worries behind in that heap of dead cells at the hair salon. no wonder the chinese have a term for hair as "三千烦恼丝". coolness.

graduation day

yoz!! i'm now officially an NIE graduand!! happening! the investiture itself today was pretty boring though, cuz we had to wait for 400 over names to be called out before it was our turn. but boy did we DISE graduands bring the house down when our names were called! :) it was great n we had lots of fun, lots of photo-taking, lots of catching up. the minister even requested to see and talk to our cohort. cool! maybe cuz we were making such a racket with all the clapping n screaming n standing ovation for each and everyone of our course-mates. anyway, so glad i've come to where i am today all by God's grace. shall make the best of whatever comes my way!

holiday mood

will be flying to hong kong in a couple of hours.. hope my asthma doesn't get worse. so excited, gonna go on a shopping spree! :) still kinda sore that i had to miss out on the rest of Y-camp with the RECA boys. would have been really fun to watch them overcome the challenges i think. well, need to sleep off the medicine already.. zzz..

long overdue

it's been almost a year since my granny passed on. it's her lunar birthday today, and at the initiation of my aunt who's in hong kong, the rest of the family got together for a little celebration with my grandpa. it's just a good reason to get everyone together u noe. great reason in fact. bet all 4 of my little cousins were here.

well.. i wasn't around again.. even my mom came back from her work and went back right after the gathering. maybe i am not making enough effort as a responsible family member. we all have room for improvement i guess. the only consolation is that at least i'm putting in a bit more effort to improve the relationship with my mom. miraculously we're doing really great! just dun wanna have any regrets later on u see. decided i shd go travelling with her this june hols since she's been talking abt it non-stop. should be fun this time if we dun go and drive each other crazy again like last time haha..

some updates.

just finished my dise course in nie campus this end feb and going thru my teaching practicum now. it was a great experience studying again. surprised myself and did fairly well for the 2 semesters. also fostered some very meaningful friendships with other sped teachers. they're a crazy bunch, full of laughter, madness, idiosyncrasies and what have yous. miss them terribly. couldn't have imagined when i started the course that the whole bunch of us would get so upset during the last lesson.. we hugged and cried like there was no tomorrow. promised we would make time to meet up n all. now i realise that TP is really taking its toll on us. kinda hard to find the time once u're not meeting in campus everyday u noe. so looking forward to seeing them again after the end of TP in may. gonna get together to put up a performance that helps create awareness about special education during our graduation ceremony. i say we shall graduate with a bang! :)

on a heavier note, TP is really stressing me out. doc just told me i have IBS, this stupid irritable bowel syndrome, which is mainly triggered by bad stress. gotta lighten up i suppose. can't be falling sick every now and then, especially not during TP.. gotta keep healthy and keep praying!

so many things are happening in school now. new P has just taken over not long, and many things are being put in place bit by bit. i kinda like the pace we're at now though, but i suppose in all management there's always some resistance one way or another. let's hope and pray that the P stays strong and that we move forward as a school in the way that God wills.

well.. shall try to keep this blog alive and update as often as i can.. :)

Stop And Stare

This town is colder now
I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move
I'm shakin off the rust
I've got my heart set
On anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself
Counting up the years
Steady hands just take the wheel
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal
For the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be oh..
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh can you see what I see

They're tryin to come back
All my senses push
Un-tie the weight bags
I never thought I could
Steady feet don't fail me now
I’m gonna run till you can't walk
Something pulls my focus out
And I'm standing down

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be oh..
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh you don't need..

What you need, what you need..

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Oh do you see what I see

-OneRepublic-

i have the audacity

hey.. i just discovered something. i can play songs from you tube and record it with audacity and export it into mp3 format! may not be a really big thing though, but it's something i found out for myself n so i feel really good abt it! but before i can export it as mp3 i need to load something called the LAME encoder from the audacity website. cut n paste it somewhere in my program files. then open it.. and wah la! i'm such a genius rite!! i mean me! anyway they really do have 'innovative' names for their programs and files dun they?!

so i recorded this song somewhere over the rainbow (Israel Kamakawiwo'ole version) and had it exported n now i have my very own rainbow mp3 song in my computer! it's a song i've always wanted and searched high n low for but no one could tell me where i could get it.. i was even prepared to pay 20 over bucks for it if only i knew who it was sung by and what album it was in. but not anymore hehe.. and at this point of time i feel it really lifts me up. was feeling so down in the dumps.

sometimes things just happen and u have no way of control over it. i feel so depressed rite now n i can't even ventilate to anyone safe for the occasional sensation of nausea seemingly creeping over me every other minute.

*somewhere over the rainbow on an all high repeat mode*

for now, just wave and say hi when u see me. it's just too hard to talk abt it. dun probe. dun ask. dun question. dun shoot quizzical looks. dun mention work. dun judge. dun be concerned. just dun. i really dun deserve it.

What Sesame Street Personality Am I?

***You Are Big Bird***

Talented, smart, and friendly... you're also one of the sanest people around.You are usually feeling: Happy. From riding a unicycle to writing poetry, you have plenty of hobbies to keep you busy.You are famous for: Being a friend to everyone. Even the grumpiest person gets along with you.How you live your life: Joyfully. "Super. Duper. Flooper."


The Sesame Street Personality Quiz http://www.blogthings.com/thesesamestreetpersonalityquiz/

a different perspective

i never knew perspective in its entirety. how one could look so out of place yet be in place. how a moment in time could fade in its next instance. or how a tiny bird could have all that it needs in the whole wide world just being in its little nest doing what it always does.

seems i'm in yet another transition in my phase of life. haha.. i'm back to studying again. yeah.. 4 weeks into the term in nie doing dise and i'm proud to say i've not dozed off in any class yet. the amazing thing is, i dun intend to actually. probably cuz i'm into something i really feel meaning for. getting into new situations and meeting a whole new bunch of people really disrupts ur equilibrium sometimes u noe.

the reason why i've decided to post something here today.. well, there's no particular good reason really. it just so happened that i had a thought. an impression. a judgement of sorts. n i fed that with negativities everyday for the past 4 weeks. n it grew. n all it needed was for me to take one look at the thoughts coming out of this certain 'persona that made an impression' and my critical judgement wavered. could i have been mistaken? or are there really some souls who hoard and put into deepest hiding their true nature, a finite amount of goodness that they refused to share, that no one ever really had a glimpse of.

perhaps being deep is in equation to being engulfed in oneself with no regards for others. well.. who am i to judge? for God i am not..

天黑黑

我的小时候
吵闹任性时侯
我的外婆
总会唱歌哄我
夏天的午后
老老的歌安慰我
那首歌好象这样唱的
天黑黑欲落雨
天黑黑黑黑
离开小时候
有了自己的生活
新鲜的歌
新鲜的念头
任性和冲动
无法控制的时候
我忘记还有这样的歌
天黑黑欲落雨
天黑黑黑黑
我爱上让我奋不顾身的一个人
我以为这就是我所追求的世界
然而横冲直撞被误解被骗
是否成人的世界背后总有残缺
我走在每天必须面对的分岔路
我怀念过去单纯美好的小幸福
爱总是让人哭让
人觉得不满足
天空很大却看不清楚
好孤独
天黑的时候
我又想起那首歌
突然期待
下起安静的雨
原来外婆的道理早就唱给我听
下起雨也要勇敢前进…
我相信一切都会平息
我现在好想回家去
天黑黑欲落雨
天黑黑黑黑

孙燕姿

moving on..

they keep telling me she's in a better place. i guess i didn't expect it, but the pain of losing my granny was almost more than i can bear. it was too sudden and too soon. at the very least i was with her when she left. wouldn't have been able to forgive myself if i wasn't. i thank God for wonderful friends who were around throughout. thank you all. however unfortunate this maybe, it has served its higher purpose. the family has come together and is closer than we could ever have been. God is indeed wonderful..

LighT houSe

a fren asked wad i was doing for my birthday this year n i remember saying i wasn't planning anything. turned out i didn't have to anyway. thanks to a bunch of friends who refused to leave me alone during this period, n i really appreciate that.. got myself a couple of cool presents to boot.. once again, thanks.. n i love u all.. muacks!! :)

as always at this time, i'll look back at the past year n try to picture all the ups n downs in my life. i muz say God has indeed been gracious n given me more good things than i deserved. i just need to remember that.

the reason

not that u'd ever bother to ask why.. but juz so u noe..

cuz it seems to me it doesn't even matter anymore if i care or not.. call me petty.. call me sore.. it's juz the way i am.. similarly.. that's juz the way u are.. never thinking twice abt some things.. never bothering to ask why.. possibly it didn't even in the least bit affect u at all..

well.. we're still cool.. rite..?

Chasing Cars

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

-Snow Patrol-

B-r-r-r-r-rilliant!!

silly sports & goofy games, all kinds of animated celebration cheers, many learning structures, various innovative ways to implement structures, very engaging trainer, fun filled activities that also fire up the neurons in our brains..

in a nutshell, that abt sums up the cooperative learning workshop i attended for d last 2 days at grassroots club. really glad i attended this course! now i find that i have a clearer direction towards teaching.. it was simply "grate, grate, grate, grate..!!" haha.. this is an example of a cheer christi taught us at the workshop. it's called the cheese cheer.. hehe.. get it? there's an action that goes with it, u gotta pretend that u're grating the cheese with both ur hands :) u noe wad? the cheers were my favourite part!! *sheepish grin*

i still feel so drained though, haven't managed to rest at all this march break. tmr's last day of hols n i'll prolly be spending the whole of it back in school settling classroom n lessons n pre-voc stuff.. jiayou jiayou!!

Listen

Listen..
To the song here in my heart
A melody I start
But can't complete

Listen..
To the sound from deep within
It's only beginning
To find release

Oh..
The time has come
For my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own
All cause you won't
Listen..

Listen..
I am alone at the crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried
To say what's on my mind
You should have known
Oh..
Now I'm done believin you
You don't know what I'm feelin
I'm more than what
You made of me
I followed the voice
You gave to me
But now I gotta find.. my own..

You should have listened
There is someone here inside
Someone I'd thought had died
So.. long ago

Oh..
I'm free now and my dreams 'll be heard
They will not be pushed aside or turned
Into your own
All cause you won't
Listen..

I don't know where I belong
But I'll be movin on
If you don't..
If you won't..

LISTEN..!!
To the song here in my heart
A melody I start
But I will complete

Oh..
Now i'm done believin you
You dont know what I'm feelin
I'm more than what
You made of me
I followed the voice
You think you gave to me
But now I gotta find.. my own.. my own..

-Beyonce-

恩典

i totally blew it. why is everything always so screwed up? for the most part that is..

okies.. juz needed to rant n rave. anyway, now for the good news.. i got my application for NIE's diploma in special education!! ms lim walked up to me while i was in the middle of getting my kids to hang up their aprons out to dry in the quadrangle. took some time before i actually managed to open the a4 sized envelope cuz i needed to settle them for recess n all. my heart literally leapt. that's right. i was ecstatic. well then there's the thing abt it not being a confirmation, it's juz an application. still.. i'm glad i got it. this is the first step. God's truly gracious. He juz ain't giving up on me eh? hmm.. peiyi.. guess it's about time..

anyway.. my march hols are already fully booked. course on mon, wed n thur, do stuff in sch on tue, take a look at job fair plus work out proposal for pre-voc on fri. wow.. we're good..

and hey.. pls ask me out for dinner will ya?

累

-with all the horror that's going on in the world.. what difference does it make?-

so u like purple right.. here goes, this is for u :)

i'm really really really really tired.. but.. so is everyone.. so who am i to complain? my only consolation: term 1 is officially coming to an end in THREE days. hang in there my dears!

sent carmie off on saturday. it was really sad seeing her go, but she'll soon be back! we've even booked the day to fetch her the next time she returns. hehe.. u see if i dun go..

met up with some chilli peppers team mates for wine n cheese at wine garage after that. brought priscilla along with me. we so totally enjoyed the crazy night haha.. cuz after we ate n drank we went on to sing like mad at cineleisure. musta been quite an eye opener for pris :) glad she had fun.

well.. so that was all the enjoyment i had for my weekend. sunday was bad. jeannie called n i didn't even manage to talk to her much. felt really lousy. n it was supposed to be yuan xiao jie, didn't even join my family for the dinner.. bleah..

anyway.. the bigger boys in my school have unknowingly but expressedly revealed to me their latest fascination with 2 new additions of our school. it's so interesting watching their gaze follow marilyn or zheng min whenever they walk by. moreover, my class is driving me crazy with all their love problems and what nots.. we shall see what comes next.. brace urself miss shen!!

Hand In My Pocket

I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five

I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm worthless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette

What it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign

I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm shy but I'm friendly baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chicken shit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby

And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano

What it all comes down to my friends
Is that everything's just fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxicab...

-Alanis Morissette-

some thoughts

finally managed to go through my friendster account.. received quite a few msgs from some friends. so sweet of them. was juz mentioning to peilin after her netball carnival that i've been seeing n hearing stuff from my past recently. like the pple i used to hang out with, the latest updates of some old friends, the music i used to listen to.. then she said maybe it's time to catch up with my old frens again. i think it's a sign i'm getting old haha.. saw her coach at the carnival. his hair's greying at the sides. he looks old n tired to me. my coach's face flashed in my mind that instant n i realised that she too is getting on in years. hope they've lived their lives pretty much the way they wanted it, since they've given so much of theirs towards the enrichment of others. so wei da can..

met up with a minor accident late fri night when i was in this cab. i swear my life almost flashed past my eyes as it happened haha.. think i'm still a little shaken from the experience even though it was not my first. thank God for keeping me safe. each time it happens i get increasingly freaked out by how fragile life is. so i shd resolve to live my life to the fullest!! shall do my best then :)