some thoughts

finally managed to go through my friendster account.. received quite a few msgs from some friends. so sweet of them. was juz mentioning to peilin after her netball carnival that i've been seeing n hearing stuff from my past recently. like the pple i used to hang out with, the latest updates of some old friends, the music i used to listen to.. then she said maybe it's time to catch up with my old frens again. i think it's a sign i'm getting old haha.. saw her coach at the carnival. his hair's greying at the sides. he looks old n tired to me. my coach's face flashed in my mind that instant n i realised that she too is getting on in years. hope they've lived their lives pretty much the way they wanted it, since they've given so much of theirs towards the enrichment of others. so wei da can..

met up with a minor accident late fri night when i was in this cab. i swear my life almost flashed past my eyes as it happened haha.. think i'm still a little shaken from the experience even though it was not my first. thank God for keeping me safe. each time it happens i get increasingly freaked out by how fragile life is. so i shd resolve to live my life to the fullest!! shall do my best then :)

-jaded-

according to one dictionary, jaded: worn out; wearied. hmm.. maybe i'm just that.

my principal came up to me shortly after the dismissal of the pm session today and asked me, "still here?... are you being overloaded?" haha.. i wanted to scream yes i feel so!! but then again i thot maybe i'm the one who needs to spend more time n effort in managing my time.. hehe.. talk abt the irony of it all man..

well, i am tryin to cope with many things at one time. guess i've been going on n on abt this for some time now. had a really long talk with lina last nite. i do feel better. been really emotionally dependent recently. especially on peilin. haha.. she so poor thing la.. but i'm glad she's been ard. at many points in life there's always someone i needed who wld always be there. and i thank God for that. well.. i'm gonna fight on! :)

boo

shortly a few days after my last post i received a text from audrey. this came as quite a surprise for me as i didn't expect it from her. she sent me her love and told me that if i needed she wld be there for me. thanks ya. i noe u're busy with ur life n all, but that was sweet of u :)

haven't been slpin well lately. dealing with the allergic rash that has been around for goodness knows how long, recurring stomach upsets, bouts of headaches, and now an asthmatic cough coming its way.. bleah.. it's the stage where murphy's law applies: anything that can go wrong goes wrong. oh well, i'm not just lamenting la, also trying to make things right again. one at a time i guess. perhaps there r many lessons to be learnt in the midst of all these now, but i'm simply not seeing it. not rite now at least. i do know however that i will in time to come. that's the thing with me. it's still better than not seeing it anyhow rite? yeah :)

think carmie's heading back to aussie soon n i have yet to meet up with her at least for the 2nd time? the last we met for a seniors juniors frenly at sa and had dinner together after that. gotta find time to catch up with her and pass her something i got for her before she flies off again.

bbaxn season is gonna start soon. this time i wanna make sure that i train regularly at least to keep myself fit enough for the games. haha.. my new year resolution. that's abt it.. chaos!

I Wish You Love

I wish you bluebirds in the spring
To give your heart a song to sing
I wish you health
And more than wealth
I wish you love

And in July some lemonade
To cool you in some leafy glade
I wish you health
And more than wealth
I wish you love

My breaking heart and I agree
That you and I could never be
So with my best
My very best
I set you free

I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
And most of all
When snowflakes fall
I wish you love

My breaking heart and I agree
That you and I could never be
So with my best
My very best
I set you free

I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
And most of all
When snowflakes fall
I wish you love

And most of all
When snowflakes fall

Rachael Yamagata

2007

the year starts with a whole load of mixed feelings for me. there were good ones, not so good ones, bad ones, all rolled into one. guess it's more intense now with all the complications arising, be it at work or at home or with friends and loved ones.

there are many things which i admit i would have done differently if i had the choice to turn back time. but here i am now, n it seems there's no longer a 2nd chance for me to change things. i can only move on from where i am and look ahead. easier said then done though. certain wounds simply refused to heal. i can only wish the best for you.

okies, for a start i shall juz pick up the pieces from where i left off. it's been some time since i was last here. i'm taking a senior class this year. much more work, many more problems to settle, many more meetings, much more stress. well i guess that's just the way it is. this was nv meant to be easy. need to get a breather every now n then, but i shd manage.

shanice has given birth to a cute little boy called tristan late last year. n who named him? it was none other than yours truly :) hope she continues to be happy in everything she does n i wish keith n her a life full of excitement n a marriage of bliss.

kalai turned 21 this year. hehe.. celebrated her birthday at acid bar followed by part 2 along the streets. did we get wasted man! haha.. hope she had lots of fun..

on a heavier note, my granny has been diagnosed of ovarian cancer in the 3rd stage. this really came as a shocker to me. completely threw me so off balance that i avoided addressing the problem for quite some time. now that i've moved back home i wish i can do my part as i shd have done way before. there's always a first step for everything. although it was with such a heavy heart that i left where i was, i do wish love to those i had to significantly leave behind. no one can have the best of both worlds.

i thank those who have been there for me all this whole time regardless. it's the littlest things which make friends worthwhile. i wanna thank: kathryn, shanice n kaiqi for remembering me everytime despite my terrible absence, ting for being my listening ear when i wanna gripe abt life, hannah for being such the practical advisor, jass for being so cute i forget the unhappy stuff that grip me, lina for being ard when i least expect it, peilin for staying up with me all my tearful n sleepless nites, mag for her concern even in the midst of her own problems, peilee for the occasional n lovely text msgs, duck for making me feel better just by the nice things he says, n kalai for all the times of fun n laughter peace n joy. i'll never forget :)

last of all.. i wish ewe love..

Write Life

the ne show was great. most of my kids really enjoyed themselves. being in such a big stadium that was packed with so many enthusiasts from all the other schools was already quite an experience. plus there were the performances, the parachuting red lions n especially the fireworks, pretty awesome for them. for myself as well. i have already put up the little singapore flag (from the goodie bag) on its stand on my desk in school. u can say i'm basically quite patriotic :)

it's pootz birthday today! hey pootie!! happy birthday to ya! inching ever closer to that BIG 3 huh!! haha.. we all are, how scary..

anyway ms lim sms-ed me last night to have a meaning sunday. hah. think i juz blew that. it's already sunday evening n i haven't got ANYTHING done yet. bleah.. plain procrastination actually. was gonna start on my lesson plan an hour earlier, since i have access to a computer anyway.. but i really wonder where all those minutes went. sigh.. extremely peculiar isn't it? haha.. am really gonna hafta kick my idle brain into motion n attempt some ideas for next week's lesson. ttfn..

aLL in a cOokiE jAr

went to catch a movie with pootz late last nite n i heard this song called bad day during advertisements. quite catchy, n prolly juz the song i needed to hear. wow, another week has gone. realised there was nv a time when i felt like i had enough time during the past 1 week. guess it's juz as well, at least i wun be idling around n doing nothing n thinking silly things. it's great.

met up with quite a few pple.. louise for dinner, jeannie for dinner (and lots of junk food n catching up!), mag n eunice for movie, shanice n kathryn for dinner, n a small gang of colleagues for poot's birthday meal. all in all, i had a great 5 days week with plenty of things done, n plenty more left undone. haha.. oh the irony of it..

so tired.. my next 2 saturdays will be burnt.. including this one.. all by school stuff.. well, still going strong i hope!

so u see.. i dun really care anymore. best of life to u :)

Bad Day

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

(Oh.. Holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day

Daniel Powter

little somethings

been really stressed lately.. wad with all the sudden changes to my routines and the world of immensly tight schedules that i've been sucked into. had barely spent 3 days with my new students, top it off with the constant fear of not being able to hand in the ieps n stuff, (although i juz realised an hour ago i cld actually get an extension cuz i'm new) plus the games day which simply took ages to carry out, the last thing i needed was for lina to call n tell me i'm getting 2 new students this coming tue.

prolly juz need time to get used to this kind of life, i really do appreciate that i'm being pushed up at this point to actually do what i want. but sometimes i juz wanna scream out loud, n behave childishly, n throw tantrums, n be unreasonable, n be selfish for like one time. sigh..

but how can i? feel hurt yes.. but really dun wanna hurt though. period.

FreSh jiVe

it's a double!! albeit a paradoxical twist of events, but i'm thinking they led me to being pushed into another new phase of life. possibly under forced circumstances no doubt, but ended up considerably pleasant i muz say. guess it's time to give pple much space, get my own space n move forward. cuz that whole other thing has been really over-rated anyway.

yes. i'm now gonna talk abt being asked to handle an MLD class of my own when term 3 of school starts!! wad do u noe?!?! juz when i least expected too!! haha.. was dying to call a certain someone n that some other one n the other one to share my joy. as irony has it, i ended up breaking the news first to a few pple near me. n stopped there. really appreciated their presence. this great piece of news also helped dissipate the sad, dark clouds that have been hanging around my head for days. kinda relieved there..

as hannah would have it, it's really God's favour upon me. wow. amazing. consider this from the first day i stepped into grace orchard. whatever did i do to deserve this i wonder.

i shall stop here. not exactly in the best of moods rite now, but it will do..

reminisce

my good fren shanice is having a baby boy!! am so happy for her. maybe it's good that things turn out this way. i dun juz mean this. was referring to everything that's been happening around me. very often the most unexpected events juz follow each other, like it has been for the past 7 months for me. who would have known that i'd be where i am now?! it's gonna be a wonderful journey i'm sure.

talking about surprises, was juz telling kalai the other day abt this dream of mine i had on wednesday nite. very blurry but i remembered it was abt a couple of my frens whom i haven't been contacting for some time. chuanyan, tkc, mervin, louise, lirong, dennis.. then on friday morning i received smses from chuanyan n lirong asking to meet up soon, then while i was at the science centre in the afternoon louise suddenly called me to ask me how i was doing cuz she was going thru some old photos n got reminded of me. we had a short lil chat n managed to catch up on each others' lives for a while. how amazing was that?! haha.. it juz works in ways u never noe huh? but i'm glad they did. it was nice of them to remember me n i appreciate that, even though i too wished someone else would call me out of the blue too. hope it's not too long before even the friendship wanes beyond repair.

Hols are heRe

juz came back from the nanyang alumni 1 day johor trip late last night. boy was it fun! haven't enjoyed myself so much like this for quite some time. n this trip signifies the commencement of the june sch hols!! haha.. finally can get some time to settle down n do some real preparation for term 3 lessons. still got so much to learn abt autism n stuff.

waiting for kalong, kar-toon n kalai to finish watching tv so we can start our mahjong session! haha.. okies shall go off le..

hmm.. sometimes i think i hold on to words more than i realise.. well.. ??

updates??

whoa.. i'm back after MIA for so long.. haha.. everything has been good. i'm now a converted associate teacher, presently taking an asd class in my school. how cool's that? turning asd too soon though! :)

n i still lurve all my friends.. shall be keeping in touch with some soon.. haven't done that in a long time. shall be back!!

Terminator 4

this show was screening even before i knew or was prepared for it.. bleah.. so much for waiting..

inner chaos

a touch on the face speaks volumes... ...or does it?

confusion reigns and the sky is grey once again..

2006

new day.. new year.. new encounters.. may it be a blessed one :)

thoughts

i promised myself juz some time ago for a dear fren's sake (who doesn't noe) that i wldn't drink unnecessarily. well.. i juz had some, quite unnecessarily, n feeling really woozy. can hear my heartbeat in my head increasing in such decibels. it wasn't to drown sorrows or anything lidat though. this time a certain other fren is doing that, i'm juz here to keep her company.

n now, as i read jinx's blog's last entry, my tears started to pour. i always knew she played the piano beautifully n was really talented at it. either she juz nv realised it or the pple ard who have heard her play didn't give her half the credit she always deserved. perhaps she nv saw herself the way i always did. u see.. i'm happy for her. truly. and am glad she still keeps me in her list of pple whom she asks God to bless n keep. i wish her every happiness life can bring. and wish her true inner joy for being herself, that she embraces everything that comes along in life. perhaps things may not go back to the way they used to be. i juz wan to always be ard when she needs someone.

zero

expectations always bring disappointments. almost without fail..

darn.. i juz dun get it do i?!
no more expectations from me. period.

ghost of yOu aNd me

it's weird how some things have passed for 2 years n yet still surfaces in ur mind when u least expect it.

took me quite by surprise this time.

dunno why it still haunts me.

i swear i've gotten over it.

well.. perhaps not quite..

gum gum bubblegum

lalalala.. hey u.. (yes u!!) u noe who or wad i mean by the title rite? haha.. anyway i got this today: "always seek first to understand rather than be understood.." wow.. it's almost like an answer man. hmm.. i wonder...? could it be....? oh well..

so i nv actually thought abt it concretely b4 but this certain someone who quoted the above has indeed taught me many things since the day our paths crossed. it didn't really occur to me much till i heard myself saying these words to others. sometimes i think God really does work in miraculous ways so beyond our limited minds' comprehension. thank you.

took leave off from work tmr. though this day has been approved like more than a mth ago, i realised juz yest that it turned out it was quite a bad day to be on leave. kinda like a day where many things were happening n needed to be done. plus 2 new admin staff will be coming. sigh.. alritey.. full steam ahead from friday onwards.. dear Father, please grant me the strength n wisdom for me to always exercise integrity n excellent character in all that i do. amen.