uNreAsOn.perSoniFied

Game 2 and counting..

2009-04-12T02:14:00.002+08:00

good news! autofocus won our 1st two games!! well at least we got them out of the way, and we're looking forward to the next few. the 3rd match wun be for another week so we shd have some time to recuperate and train up a bit.

coach managed to get us a little sponsorship money so he'll be collecting the jerseys back for reprinting. apparently it's a website we have to get printed somewhere on the jerseys. hope it's legitimate huh? :)

i feel quite physically drained but my heel is a teeny weeny little bit better than it was the last game. hope this keeps up though, hehe..

anyway just a note to add, my aunt who just got back from china helped me with the alteration of my jerseys and i must say she did such a wonderful job with it! she's terrific!

okies time for lalaland...

Lan Zong Bei

2009-04-07T23:14:00.000+08:00

okies.. so here goes, we're playing our first women's open match tmr evening!! quite apprehensive.. hope our team plays well. shall update again if i find the time :)

alternate lines of natural end

2009-03-10T01:51:00.006+08:00

It's been past one month since gong gong left us. We're still trying to get used to the emptiness at home it seems. Fears are unspoken but yet very real. I walk the road home daily and imagine his adventures of old.

I may not have prepared myself for this.

2009-03-06T05:16:00.003+08:00

My heart aches..

Happy 2009

2009-01-06T23:25:00.003+08:00

whoa.. it has been quite some time. even my tag-board was getting cluttered with spam. anyway thanks jass, i love this song :)

New Year Resolution: I shall be more organized in all areas of my life.

there u go.. one thing checked off my to-do list :)

dead tired.. heading to bed now..

spice and sugar

2008-10-25T23:54:00.003+08:00

nothing beats being comfy n safe in my own house and in my own bed. i thank God that He has been keeping me in good hands.

something really unusual happened in school today, n i think i was pretty traumatized by the whole experience. during the bus trip with RECA boys to the singapore flyer, my mind kept replaying the scene over n over. i probably shouldn't have done what i did, n if things had taken a bad turn i would have put myself right in the face of danger. thankfully God kept us safe. i do hope the incident can be settled as soon as possible.

on a lighter note, the trip to the event at singapore flyer was quite an enjoyable one. Most of the children had a great time and much fun collecting freebies. though the stage lighting wasn't the best for our performances, i am glad everything went well n everyone had a good evening.

now i'm dead beat.. i need rest..

10 Fears and Phobias

2008-10-13T22:58:00.004+08:00

Here's something interesting.. I only knew of no. 5 before :)

1. Arachnophobia (fear of spiders)
2. Sociophobia (fear of social situations)
3. Aerophobia (fear of flying)
4. Agoraphobia (fear of being outside of the house)
5. Claustrophobia (fear of enclosed spaces)
6. Emetophobia (fear of vomitting)
7. Acrophobia (fear of heights)
8. Cancerphobia (fear of cancer)
9. Brontophobia (fear of lightning and thunder)
10. Necrophobia (fear of death)

change of plans

2008-09-18T01:18:00.002+08:00

-Seeing God in everything is the only thing that will make me loving and patient with people who annoy and trouble me-

Think i need to learn to be at least a Plan B versus the Plan D i am now :)

Appena la Voce

2008-09-12T23:55:00.003+08:00

ok, i'm like quite psyched up abt the concert tmr evening. i wonder why really. just feeling very excited and cannot wait to see it. maybe cuz i watched the Raffles Voices concert at esplanade the last time n really enjoyed it. cool.. looking forward to a wonderful evening with all my colleagues and friends.

anyways, today was quite crazy for me. i managed to churn out an amended games day equipment list for logistics comm after staying up late last night and coming to school early in the morning. had to put in much more details and specifications, but i was glad it got done. it was pretty last minute but doing this made certain other things a whole lot better than before. at least it gave shape to something that was previously in a terrible shape haha.. if u noe wad i am talking abt..

well, like e.kwan said, "He never gives us more than we can handle..." i am truly thankful for that.. hey you.. remember this song and keep it in ur head ya? :)

God will make a way

2008-09-11T00:49:00.005+08:00

i hope u're listening to this pootz... remember the first time? :)

hope this song encourages YOU too. you know who you are. jiayou alright?!

begin at the end

2008-09-09T23:53:00.000+08:00

tmr we start school proper. am looking forward to it but also slightly dreading it at the same time. wonder if i am ready to trudge through another battle. the physical aspect i am still able to handle, it's the emotional aspect that i'm worried about.

then i get reminded of this in one of my readings. "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." (Psalm 46:1)

i feel so much better. :)

not so great expectations?

2008-09-08T03:26:00.001+08:00

teachers who show their staff pass get to go on a free ride at the singapore flyer from 1st to 7th september. it's a special promotion in honour of teachers' day celebrations. so, taking the opportunity to have a feel of a spin on the big wheel, some of us got together on friday and headed for the ride of our lives.

or so it seemed. turns out it wasn't as fantastic as i had expected, and i didn't really enjoy myself that much in the end. i guess a lot of it had to do with the fact that it did not meet my expectations. maybe if i hadn't thought so much of it i wouldn't have ended up so disappointed.

in a way i think the same goes for people. ting once commented how i can lower my expectations of people such that i allow them to carry on being themselves with me. she says it's really difficult for her. i realise i can only do that with friends who are not particularly close. perhaps the reason why she's unable to do that is because the person concerned was family and a loved one. that makes it all the more harder doesn't it? the closer they are to u the more u would expect from them? and that makes for all the disppointment in the world.

just wanna tell ting: i noe how u feel sometimes. we just have to have faith in God and believe that He alone will bring us through all the pain and disappointments.

a company of two

2008-09-06T00:20:00.003+08:00

many a times things are better left unsaid..

but sometimes, perhaps just sometimes, it's great to know that u have not been taken for granted. and that u're being appreciated for all ur efforts, however small they may be.

so anyways i just wanna say a big thank-you for all that u have done for me. i do not deliberately make u feel any less of yourself. do forgive me if my actions have shown otherwise. it's a terrible feeling. i know that.

2008-08-18T00:44:00.003+08:00

strange things are happening all around.. i really wonder why..

in a thoughtful mode..

Bye Bye

2008-08-15T05:27:00.001+08:00

*The song speaks for itself, dedicated to Por Por*

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

As a child there were them times
I didn't get it but you kept me in line
I didn't know why you didn't show up sometimes
On Sunday mornings and I missed you
But I'm glad we talked through
All them grown folk things
Separation brings
You never let me know it
You never let it show because
You loved me and obviously
There's so much more left to say
If you were with me today face to face

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on I wish
I could talk to you for awhile
Miss you but I try not to cry
As time goes by
And it's true that you've reached a better place
Still I'd give the world to see your face
And be right here next to you
But it's like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye

Bye Bye Bye Bye Bye Bye [3x]
Bye Bye

And you never got a chance to see how good I've done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together

I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the teddy bear you gave me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
You'd can make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on I wish
I could talk to you for awhile
Miss you but I try not to cry
As time goes by
And it's true that you've reached a better place
Still I'd give the world to see your face
And be right here next to you
But it's like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye

Bye Bye Bye Bye Bye Bye [3x]
Bye Bye

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye bye

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on I wish
I could talk to you for awhile
Miss you but I try not to cry
As time goes by
And it's true that you've reached a better place
Still I'd give the world to see your face
And be right here next to you
But it's like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye

Bye Bye Bye Bye Bye Bye [3x]
Bye Bye

Bye Bye Bye Bye Bye Bye [3x]
Bye Bye

We will never say goodbye

-Mariah Carey-

sleepLess

2008-08-15T04:32:00.000+08:00

guess wad.

i'm still up, doing goodness knows wad.

insomnia muz be creeping up on me.

yet again.

...

Liveliness

2008-08-15T01:04:00.003+08:00

wow, it's 1am in the morning! just got back not long ago from dinner and coffee with some of my juniors from sa rugby girls: eugenia, eunice, beryl and xiao ying. yi yi was supposed to join us but she was super busy with work till late into the night so we missed her :(

in a nutshell, we had a really great time catching up. like eugenia mentioned, it all still feels the same. initially i was contemplating whether to turn up as planned cuz i was feeling a tad bit tired but now i'm super glad i made the trip. hope we can meet up again before eugenia flies off for france to meet her beau! haha.. i noe i noe, for studies okies? :)

it was a busy thursday in school for me. started rushing here n there from point of touch down till point of dismissal bell. literally. no wonder e.kwan was commenting that i seemed busy. so anyway i was just telling my dearie jass that "being busy is good!" it means u're alive and kicking! :D so i'm glad u noe.. really glad...

Depression is a state of mind

2008-08-12T22:05:00.004+08:00

hmm.. is it..? questions aside, how do u tell that to someone who's been in a depressed and anxious state for the past few months? besides helping to give a few suggestions on some meaningful activities in which to join, i suppose there was really nothing else i could do. my presence was felt though.

it is starting to occur to me that the complications of human kind go far beyond what the human eye can vision or fathom. something so deep and yet so delicate is bound to be invisible to most. many just choose to whizz by without stopping to realise the implications of the difference that anyone can make, or rather, choose to make.

doo doo doo doo doo.. guess i'm just rambling.. ouch, my knee.. ouch oucH ouCH oUCH OUCH!! pain lah..

on bended knee

2008-08-11T23:46:00.001+08:00

my right knee feels weird, it's not bending as well as it should. i hope it's only cuz the bruised part of the bone is causing some stiffness and nothing else. my only fear is that the fall resulted in some impact on my reconstructed ligament. if that happens, i can sue coffee bean for damages but it's not gonna help my knee recover. sigh.. i should have been more observant and noticed the puddle of water. why in the world would the staff leave a huge puddle of water at the entrance?! just as serene said, if the person who fell was an old lady it could have killed her. terrible. hope n hope n hope my knee is fine. *pray*

on a lighter note, the bbq cum fishing trip to east coast park went well, apart from the fact that we got a summon for using our own aluminium try as a bbq pit haha.. quite silly really, should have just booked a pit in advance. anyway there was only 3 of us at first: huda, serene and i. then hamzah came and gave huda a pleasant surprise, how sweet :) luckily he turned up and helped us finish all the food! well done and thanks ham ham!

gotta sleep soon, need to wake up early tmr morning for doctor's appointment. shoulder follow up visit. argh.. this see doctor.. that also see doctor.. old already la..

2008-08-11T11:19:00.006+08:00

Basketball: China vs USA
USA defeated China with a score of 101-70 yesterday :(

tough Love

2008-08-11T00:40:00.002+08:00

-When somebody doesn't love you the way you want them to, it doesn't mean that they don't love you-

spEciaL

2008-08-10T23:50:00.007+08:00

had a hearty breakfast with kalai, mama and duck at this hong kong cafe along sembawang road this morning. quite affordable n delicious! yummy!

went to watch the young talents musical in the pm. pillai brought her class, and the teachers who were there included nithi, bee hong, hannah, marilyn and esther k. filip n his friend (forgot wad his name was) went as well. the kids in the production were all quite cute. especially the "leave me alone" boy and the boy who was constantly munching away on his stash of never-ending snacks. the comic relief by some of the older actors was funny too. but i muz say i was expecting a bit more. was telling some of them there was still quite a bit of stereotyping which didn't really appeal to me. all in all it was a good show put up though, clap clap for the effort! btw i met daryl, my long lost fren from sa..! she's working with city harvest community services association who's the organiser of today's event i assume. it's always nice to meet someone u've lost contact with :)

wad followed after that was a cup of terrible cappucino but some delicious donuts at j.co's and a nothing short of huge dinner at tony roma's. *burp*

there's my sunday for u.. :D

simply me

2008-08-05T00:52:00.002+08:00

-I love not to be loved, I care not to be cared for-

oLd skooL

2008-08-04T23:36:00.001+08:00

missed my sabball session today cuz i arranged with cindy to meet up for dinner. it's been 16 years since i last saw her. my goodness how much time has passed since we last saw each other! it was a great catching up session n i'm glad we met up. the next time we'll see each other again is probably at qiushi's wedding. so happy for her too, cannot wait! :)

Think of Excellence

2008-08-04T00:05:00.001+08:00

That we should remember this verse in all our endeavours.

"Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things."

-Philippians 4:8-

wOrked up, woRked out!

2008-07-30T02:51:00.004+08:00

have been sleeping real late these days. it's making me think abt something my granny once said. old people don't really need much sleep. haha.. rachel recently asked if i was stressed. i said i'd like to think of myself as busy instead. there's definitely a difference between the two, right? :)

met up with some juniors n THE senior for a game of bball on mon nite. quite cool how we're getting together again cuz of one common thing that binds the bunch of us despite all these years. played only 2 games and i was maxed out but it was worth every drop of sweat. hope i can meet them every week to play so i can at least get back in shape. as in the "can play more than 2 games without having to faint" shape haha..

3000 threads of worry

2008-07-29T01:03:00.008+08:00

latest update abt my head... it's almost bald! pictures of my newest hairstyle can be found in facebook :) shaved it in honour of Hair for Hope organised by the Children Cancer Society. this campaign's aim was to raise money and greater awareness for children with cancer. we're telling them it's ok to be "botak"! i muz say that having done this made my outlook on certain things change significantly. it's as if i left my worries behind in that heap of dead cells at the hair salon. no wonder the chinese have a term for hair as "三千烦恼丝". coolness.

graduation day

2008-07-10T01:42:00.002+08:00

yoz!! i'm now officially an NIE graduand!! happening! the investiture itself today was pretty boring though, cuz we had to wait for 400 over names to be called out before it was our turn. but boy did we DISE graduands bring the house down when our names were called! :) it was great n we had lots of fun, lots of photo-taking, lots of catching up. the minister even requested to see and talk to our cohort. cool! maybe cuz we were making such a racket with all the clapping n screaming n standing ovation for each and everyone of our course-mates. anyway, so glad i've come to where i am today all by God's grace. shall make the best of whatever comes my way!

holiday mood

2008-06-08T13:13:00.004+08:00

will be flying to hong kong in a couple of hours.. hope my asthma doesn't get worse. so excited, gonna go on a shopping spree! :) still kinda sore that i had to miss out on the rest of Y-camp with the RECA boys. would have been really fun to watch them overcome the challenges i think. well, need to sleep off the medicine already.. zzz..

long overdue

2008-04-17T02:17:00.005+08:00

it's been almost a year since my granny passed on. it's her lunar birthday today, and at the initiation of my aunt who's in hong kong, the rest of the family got together for a little celebration with my grandpa. it's just a good reason to get everyone together u noe. great reason in fact. bet all 4 of my little cousins were here.

well.. i wasn't around again.. even my mom came back from her work and went back right after the gathering. maybe i am not making enough effort as a responsible family member. we all have room for improvement i guess. the only consolation is that at least i'm putting in a bit more effort to improve the relationship with my mom. miraculously we're doing really great! just dun wanna have any regrets later on u see. decided i shd go travelling with her this june hols since she's been talking abt it non-stop. should be fun this time if we dun go and drive each other crazy again like last time haha..

some updates.

just finished my dise course in nie campus this end feb and going thru my teaching practicum now. it was a great experience studying again. surprised myself and did fairly well for the 2 semesters. also fostered some very meaningful friendships with other sped teachers. they're a crazy bunch, full of laughter, madness, idiosyncrasies and what have yous. miss them terribly. couldn't have imagined when i started the course that the whole bunch of us would get so upset during the last lesson.. we hugged and cried like there was no tomorrow. promised we would make time to meet up n all. now i realise that TP is really taking its toll on us. kinda hard to find the time once u're not meeting in campus everyday u noe. so looking forward to seeing them again after the end of TP in may. gonna get together to put up a performance that helps create awareness about special education during our graduation ceremony. i say we shall graduate with a bang! :)

on a heavier note, TP is really stressing me out. doc just told me i have IBS, this stupid irritable bowel syndrome, which is mainly triggered by bad stress. gotta lighten up i suppose. can't be falling sick every now and then, especially not during TP.. gotta keep healthy and keep praying!

so many things are happening in school now. new P has just taken over not long, and many things are being put in place bit by bit. i kinda like the pace we're at now though, but i suppose in all management there's always some resistance one way or another. let's hope and pray that the P stays strong and that we move forward as a school in the way that God wills.

well.. shall try to keep this blog alive and update as often as i can.. :)

Stop And Stare

2008-03-18T02:26:00.004+08:00

This town is colder now
I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move
I'm shakin off the rust
I've got my heart set
On anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself
Counting up the years
Steady hands just take the wheel
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal
For the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be oh..
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh can you see what I see

They're tryin to come back
All my senses push
Un-tie the weight bags
I never thought I could
Steady feet don't fail me now
I’m gonna run till you can't walk
Something pulls my focus out
And I'm standing down

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be oh..
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh you don't need..

What you need, what you need..

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Oh do you see what I see

-OneRepublic-

i have the audacity

2007-10-16T02:25:00.000+08:00

hey.. i just discovered something. i can play songs from you tube and record it with audacity and export it into mp3 format! may not be a really big thing though, but it's something i found out for myself n so i feel really good abt it! but before i can export it as mp3 i need to load something called the LAME encoder from the audacity website. cut n paste it somewhere in my program files. then open it.. and wah la! i'm such a genius rite!! i mean me! anyway they really do have 'innovative' names for their programs and files dun they?!

so i recorded this song somewhere over the rainbow (Israel Kamakawiwo'ole version) and had it exported n now i have my very own rainbow mp3 song in my computer! it's a song i've always wanted and searched high n low for but no one could tell me where i could get it.. i was even prepared to pay 20 over bucks for it if only i knew who it was sung by and what album it was in. but not anymore hehe.. and at this point of time i feel it really lifts me up. was feeling so down in the dumps.

sometimes things just happen and u have no way of control over it. i feel so depressed rite now n i can't even ventilate to anyone safe for the occasional sensation of nausea seemingly creeping over me every other minute.

*somewhere over the rainbow on an all high repeat mode*

for now, just wave and say hi when u see me. it's just too hard to talk abt it. dun probe. dun ask. dun question. dun shoot quizzical looks. dun mention work. dun judge. dun be concerned. just dun. i really dun deserve it.

What Sesame Street Personality Am I?

2007-09-20T00:55:00.000+08:00

***You Are Big Bird***

Talented, smart, and friendly... you're also one of the sanest people around.You are usually feeling: Happy. From riding a unicycle to writing poetry, you have plenty of hobbies to keep you busy.You are famous for: Being a friend to everyone. Even the grumpiest person gets along with you.How you live your life: Joyfully. "Super. Duper. Flooper."

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz http://www.blogthings.com/thesesamestreetpersonalityquiz/

a different perspective

2007-08-28T00:39:00.000+08:00

i never knew perspective in its entirety. how one could look so out of place yet be in place. how a moment in time could fade in its next instance. or how a tiny bird could have all that it needs in the whole wide world just being in its little nest doing what it always does.

seems i'm in yet another transition in my phase of life. haha.. i'm back to studying again. yeah.. 4 weeks into the term in nie doing dise and i'm proud to say i've not dozed off in any class yet. the amazing thing is, i dun intend to actually. probably cuz i'm into something i really feel meaning for. getting into new situations and meeting a whole new bunch of people really disrupts ur equilibrium sometimes u noe.

the reason why i've decided to post something here today.. well, there's no particular good reason really. it just so happened that i had a thought. an impression. a judgement of sorts. n i fed that with negativities everyday for the past 4 weeks. n it grew. n all it needed was for me to take one look at the thoughts coming out of this certain 'persona that made an impression' and my critical judgement wavered. could i have been mistaken? or are there really some souls who hoard and put into deepest hiding their true nature, a finite amount of goodness that they refused to share, that no one ever really had a glimpse of.

perhaps being deep is in equation to being engulfed in oneself with no regards for others. well.. who am i to judge? for God i am not..

天黑黑

2007-06-04T11:17:00.000+08:00

我的小时候
吵闹任性时侯
我的外婆
总会唱歌哄我
夏天的午后
老老的歌安慰我
那首歌好象这样唱的
天黑黑欲落雨
天黑黑黑黑
离开小时候
有了自己的生活
新鲜的歌
新鲜的念头
任性和冲动
无法控制的时候
我忘记还有这样的歌
天黑黑欲落雨
天黑黑黑黑
我爱上让我奋不顾身的一个人
我以为这就是我所追求的世界
然而横冲直撞被误解被骗
是否成人的世界背后总有残缺
我走在每天必须面对的分岔路
我怀念过去单纯美好的小幸福
爱总是让人哭让
人觉得不满足
天空很大却看不清楚
好孤独
天黑的时候
我又想起那首歌
突然期待
下起安静的雨
原来外婆的道理早就唱给我听
下起雨也要勇敢前进…
我相信一切都会平息
我现在好想回家去
天黑黑欲落雨
天黑黑黑黑

孙燕姿

moving on..

2007-06-04T10:51:00.000+08:00

they keep telling me she's in a better place. i guess i didn't expect it, but the pain of losing my granny was almost more than i can bear. it was too sudden and too soon. at the very least i was with her when she left. wouldn't have been able to forgive myself if i wasn't. i thank God for wonderful friends who were around throughout. thank you all. however unfortunate this maybe, it has served its higher purpose. the family has come together and is closer than we could ever have been. God is indeed wonderful..

LighT houSe

2007-03-27T13:50:00.000+08:00

a fren asked wad i was doing for my birthday this year n i remember saying i wasn't planning anything. turned out i didn't have to anyway. thanks to a bunch of friends who refused to leave me alone during this period, n i really appreciate that.. got myself a couple of cool presents to boot.. once again, thanks.. n i love u all.. muacks!! :)

as always at this time, i'll look back at the past year n try to picture all the ups n downs in my life. i muz say God has indeed been gracious n given me more good things than i deserved. i just need to remember that.

the reason

2007-03-19T22:22:00.000+08:00

not that u'd ever bother to ask why.. but juz so u noe..

cuz it seems to me it doesn't even matter anymore if i care or not.. call me petty.. call me sore.. it's juz the way i am.. similarly.. that's juz the way u are.. never thinking twice abt some things.. never bothering to ask why.. possibly it didn't even in the least bit affect u at all..

well.. we're still cool.. rite..?

Chasing Cars

2007-03-18T22:32:00.000+08:00

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

-Snow Patrol-

B-r-r-r-r-rilliant!!

2007-03-16T00:28:00.000+08:00

silly sports & goofy games, all kinds of animated celebration cheers, many learning structures, various innovative ways to implement structures, very engaging trainer, fun filled activities that also fire up the neurons in our brains..

in a nutshell, that abt sums up the cooperative learning workshop i attended for d last 2 days at grassroots club. really glad i attended this course! now i find that i have a clearer direction towards teaching.. it was simply "grate, grate, grate, grate..!!" haha.. this is an example of a cheer christi taught us at the workshop. it's called the cheese cheer.. hehe.. get it? there's an action that goes with it, u gotta pretend that u're grating the cheese with both ur hands :) u noe wad? the cheers were my favourite part!! *sheepish grin*

i still feel so drained though, haven't managed to rest at all this march break. tmr's last day of hols n i'll prolly be spending the whole of it back in school settling classroom n lessons n pre-voc stuff.. jiayou jiayou!!

Listen

2007-03-13T21:26:00.000+08:00

Listen..
To the song here in my heart
A melody I start
But can't complete

Listen..
To the sound from deep within
It's only beginning
To find release

Oh..
The time has come
For my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own
All cause you won't
Listen..

Listen..
I am alone at the crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried
To say what's on my mind
You should have known
Oh..
Now I'm done believin you
You don't know what I'm feelin
I'm more than what
You made of me
I followed the voice
You gave to me
But now I gotta find.. my own..

You should have listened
There is someone here inside
Someone I'd thought had died
So.. long ago

Oh..
I'm free now and my dreams 'll be heard
They will not be pushed aside or turned
Into your own
All cause you won't
Listen..

I don't know where I belong
But I'll be movin on
If you don't..
If you won't..

LISTEN..!!
To the song here in my heart
A melody I start
But I will complete

Oh..
Now i'm done believin you
You dont know what I'm feelin
I'm more than what
You made of me
I followed the voice
You think you gave to me
But now I gotta find.. my own.. my own..

-Beyonce-

恩典

2007-03-11T20:54:00.000+08:00

i totally blew it. why is everything always so screwed up? for the most part that is..

okies.. juz needed to rant n rave. anyway, now for the good news.. i got my application for NIE's diploma in special education!! ms lim walked up to me while i was in the middle of getting my kids to hang up their aprons out to dry in the quadrangle. took some time before i actually managed to open the a4 sized envelope cuz i needed to settle them for recess n all. my heart literally leapt. that's right. i was ecstatic. well then there's the thing abt it not being a confirmation, it's juz an application. still.. i'm glad i got it. this is the first step. God's truly gracious. He juz ain't giving up on me eh? hmm.. peiyi.. guess it's about time..

anyway.. my march hols are already fully booked. course on mon, wed n thur, do stuff in sch on tue, take a look at job fair plus work out proposal for pre-voc on fri. wow.. we're good..

and hey.. pls ask me out for dinner will ya?

累

2007-03-06T23:09:00.000+08:00

-with all the horror that's going on in the world.. what difference does it make?-

so u like purple right.. here goes, this is for u :)

i'm really really really really tired.. but.. so is everyone.. so who am i to complain? my only consolation: term 1 is officially coming to an end in THREE days. hang in there my dears!

sent carmie off on saturday. it was really sad seeing her go, but she'll soon be back! we've even booked the day to fetch her the next time she returns. hehe.. u see if i dun go..

met up with some chilli peppers team mates for wine n cheese at wine garage after that. brought priscilla along with me. we so totally enjoyed the crazy night haha.. cuz after we ate n drank we went on to sing like mad at cineleisure. musta been quite an eye opener for pris :) glad she had fun.

well.. so that was all the enjoyment i had for my weekend. sunday was bad. jeannie called n i didn't even manage to talk to her much. felt really lousy. n it was supposed to be yuan xiao jie, didn't even join my family for the dinner.. bleah..

anyway.. the bigger boys in my school have unknowingly but expressedly revealed to me their latest fascination with 2 new additions of our school. it's so interesting watching their gaze follow marilyn or zheng min whenever they walk by. moreover, my class is driving me crazy with all their love problems and what nots.. we shall see what comes next.. brace urself miss shen!!

Hand In My Pocket

2007-02-05T20:34:00.000+08:00

I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five

I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm worthless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette

What it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign

I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm shy but I'm friendly baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chicken shit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby

And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano

What it all comes down to my friends
Is that everything's just fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxicab...

-Alanis Morissette-

some thoughts

2007-01-28T20:12:00.000+08:00

finally managed to go through my friendster account.. received quite a few msgs from some friends. so sweet of them. was juz mentioning to peilin after her netball carnival that i've been seeing n hearing stuff from my past recently. like the pple i used to hang out with, the latest updates of some old friends, the music i used to listen to.. then she said maybe it's time to catch up with my old frens again. i think it's a sign i'm getting old haha.. saw her coach at the carnival. his hair's greying at the sides. he looks old n tired to me. my coach's face flashed in my mind that instant n i realised that she too is getting on in years. hope they've lived their lives pretty much the way they wanted it, since they've given so much of theirs towards the enrichment of others. so wei da can..

met up with a minor accident late fri night when i was in this cab. i swear my life almost flashed past my eyes as it happened haha.. think i'm still a little shaken from the experience even though it was not my first. thank God for keeping me safe. each time it happens i get increasingly freaked out by how fragile life is. so i shd resolve to live my life to the fullest!! shall do my best then :)

-jaded-

2007-01-25T20:56:00.000+08:00

according to one dictionary, jaded: worn out; wearied. hmm.. maybe i'm just that.

my principal came up to me shortly after the dismissal of the pm session today and asked me, "still here?... are you being overloaded?" haha.. i wanted to scream yes i feel so!! but then again i thot maybe i'm the one who needs to spend more time n effort in managing my time.. hehe.. talk abt the irony of it all man..

well, i am tryin to cope with many things at one time. guess i've been going on n on abt this for some time now. had a really long talk with lina last nite. i do feel better. been really emotionally dependent recently. especially on peilin. haha.. she so poor thing la.. but i'm glad she's been ard. at many points in life there's always someone i needed who wld always be there. and i thank God for that. well.. i'm gonna fight on! :)

boo

2007-01-24T10:40:00.000+08:00

shortly a few days after my last post i received a text from audrey. this came as quite a surprise for me as i didn't expect it from her. she sent me her love and told me that if i needed she wld be there for me. thanks ya. i noe u're busy with ur life n all, but that was sweet of u :)

haven't been slpin well lately. dealing with the allergic rash that has been around for goodness knows how long, recurring stomach upsets, bouts of headaches, and now an asthmatic cough coming its way.. bleah.. it's the stage where murphy's law applies: anything that can go wrong goes wrong. oh well, i'm not just lamenting la, also trying to make things right again. one at a time i guess. perhaps there r many lessons to be learnt in the midst of all these now, but i'm simply not seeing it. not rite now at least. i do know however that i will in time to come. that's the thing with me. it's still better than not seeing it anyhow rite? yeah :)

think carmie's heading back to aussie soon n i have yet to meet up with her at least for the 2nd time? the last we met for a seniors juniors frenly at sa and had dinner together after that. gotta find time to catch up with her and pass her something i got for her before she flies off again.

bbaxn season is gonna start soon. this time i wanna make sure that i train regularly at least to keep myself fit enough for the games. haha.. my new year resolution. that's abt it.. chaos!

I Wish You Love

2007-01-19T03:05:00.000+08:00

I wish you bluebirds in the spring
To give your heart a song to sing
I wish you health
And more than wealth
I wish you love

And in July some lemonade
To cool you in some leafy glade
I wish you health
And more than wealth
I wish you love

My breaking heart and I agree
That you and I could never be
So with my best
My very best
I set you free

I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
And most of all
When snowflakes fall
I wish you love

My breaking heart and I agree
That you and I could never be
So with my best
My very best
I set you free

I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
And most of all
When snowflakes fall
I wish you love

And most of all
When snowflakes fall

Rachael Yamagata

2007

2007-01-19T02:23:00.000+08:00

the year starts with a whole load of mixed feelings for me. there were good ones, not so good ones, bad ones, all rolled into one. guess it's more intense now with all the complications arising, be it at work or at home or with friends and loved ones.

there are many things which i admit i would have done differently if i had the choice to turn back time. but here i am now, n it seems there's no longer a 2nd chance for me to change things. i can only move on from where i am and look ahead. easier said then done though. certain wounds simply refused to heal. i can only wish the best for you.

okies, for a start i shall juz pick up the pieces from where i left off. it's been some time since i was last here. i'm taking a senior class this year. much more work, many more problems to settle, many more meetings, much more stress. well i guess that's just the way it is. this was nv meant to be easy. need to get a breather every now n then, but i shd manage.

shanice has given birth to a cute little boy called tristan late last year. n who named him? it was none other than yours truly :) hope she continues to be happy in everything she does n i wish keith n her a life full of excitement n a marriage of bliss.

kalai turned 21 this year. hehe.. celebrated her birthday at acid bar followed by part 2 along the streets. did we get wasted man! haha.. hope she had lots of fun..

on a heavier note, my granny has been diagnosed of ovarian cancer in the 3rd stage. this really came as a shocker to me. completely threw me so off balance that i avoided addressing the problem for quite some time. now that i've moved back home i wish i can do my part as i shd have done way before. there's always a first step for everything. although it was with such a heavy heart that i left where i was, i do wish love to those i had to significantly leave behind. no one can have the best of both worlds.

i thank those who have been there for me all this whole time regardless. it's the littlest things which make friends worthwhile. i wanna thank: kathryn, shanice n kaiqi for remembering me everytime despite my terrible absence, ting for being my listening ear when i wanna gripe abt life, hannah for being such the practical advisor, jass for being so cute i forget the unhappy stuff that grip me, lina for being ard when i least expect it, peilin for staying up with me all my tearful n sleepless nites, mag for her concern even in the midst of her own problems, peilee for the occasional n lovely text msgs, duck for making me feel better just by the nice things he says, n kalai for all the times of fun n laughter peace n joy. i'll never forget :)

last of all.. i wish ewe love..

Write Life

2006-07-16T17:51:00.000+08:00

the ne show was great. most of my kids really enjoyed themselves. being in such a big stadium that was packed with so many enthusiasts from all the other schools was already quite an experience. plus there were the performances, the parachuting red lions n especially the fireworks, pretty awesome for them. for myself as well. i have already put up the little singapore flag (from the goodie bag) on its stand on my desk in school. u can say i'm basically quite patriotic :)

it's pootz birthday today! hey pootie!! happy birthday to ya! inching ever closer to that BIG 3 huh!! haha.. we all are, how scary..

anyway ms lim sms-ed me last night to have a meaning sunday. hah. think i juz blew that. it's already sunday evening n i haven't got ANYTHING done yet. bleah.. plain procrastination actually. was gonna start on my lesson plan an hour earlier, since i have access to a computer anyway.. but i really wonder where all those minutes went. sigh.. extremely peculiar isn't it? haha.. am really gonna hafta kick my idle brain into motion n attempt some ideas for next week's lesson. ttfn..

aLL in a cOokiE jAr

2006-07-15T11:40:00.000+08:00

went to catch a movie with pootz late last nite n i heard this song called bad day during advertisements. quite catchy, n prolly juz the song i needed to hear. wow, another week has gone. realised there was nv a time when i felt like i had enough time during the past 1 week. guess it's juz as well, at least i wun be idling around n doing nothing n thinking silly things. it's great.

met up with quite a few pple.. louise for dinner, jeannie for dinner (and lots of junk food n catching up!), mag n eunice for movie, shanice n kathryn for dinner, n a small gang of colleagues for poot's birthday meal. all in all, i had a great 5 days week with plenty of things done, n plenty more left undone. haha.. oh the irony of it..

so tired.. my next 2 saturdays will be burnt.. including this one.. all by school stuff.. well, still going strong i hope!

so u see.. i dun really care anymore. best of life to u :)

Bad Day

2006-07-15T11:31:00.000+08:00

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

(Oh.. Holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day

Daniel Powter

little somethings

2006-06-30T21:15:00.000+08:00

been really stressed lately.. wad with all the sudden changes to my routines and the world of immensly tight schedules that i've been sucked into. had barely spent 3 days with my new students, top it off with the constant fear of not being able to hand in the ieps n stuff, (although i juz realised an hour ago i cld actually get an extension cuz i'm new) plus the games day which simply took ages to carry out, the last thing i needed was for lina to call n tell me i'm getting 2 new students this coming tue.

prolly juz need time to get used to this kind of life, i really do appreciate that i'm being pushed up at this point to actually do what i want. but sometimes i juz wanna scream out loud, n behave childishly, n throw tantrums, n be unreasonable, n be selfish for like one time. sigh..

but how can i? feel hurt yes.. but really dun wanna hurt though. period.

FreSh jiVe

2006-06-21T20:50:00.001+08:00

it's a double!! albeit a paradoxical twist of events, but i'm thinking they led me to being pushed into another new phase of life. possibly under forced circumstances no doubt, but ended up considerably pleasant i muz say. guess it's time to give pple much space, get my own space n move forward. cuz that whole other thing has been really over-rated anyway.

yes. i'm now gonna talk abt being asked to handle an MLD class of my own when term 3 of school starts!! wad do u noe?!?! juz when i least expected too!! haha.. was dying to call a certain someone n that some other one n the other one to share my joy. as irony has it, i ended up breaking the news first to a few pple near me. n stopped there. really appreciated their presence. this great piece of news also helped dissipate the sad, dark clouds that have been hanging around my head for days. kinda relieved there..

as hannah would have it, it's really God's favour upon me. wow. amazing. consider this from the first day i stepped into grace orchard. whatever did i do to deserve this i wonder.

i shall stop here. not exactly in the best of moods rite now, but it will do..

reminisce

2006-06-11T16:03:00.000+08:00

my good fren shanice is having a baby boy!! am so happy for her. maybe it's good that things turn out this way. i dun juz mean this. was referring to everything that's been happening around me. very often the most unexpected events juz follow each other, like it has been for the past 7 months for me. who would have known that i'd be where i am now?! it's gonna be a wonderful journey i'm sure.

talking about surprises, was juz telling kalai the other day abt this dream of mine i had on wednesday nite. very blurry but i remembered it was abt a couple of my frens whom i haven't been contacting for some time. chuanyan, tkc, mervin, louise, lirong, dennis.. then on friday morning i received smses from chuanyan n lirong asking to meet up soon, then while i was at the science centre in the afternoon louise suddenly called me to ask me how i was doing cuz she was going thru some old photos n got reminded of me. we had a short lil chat n managed to catch up on each others' lives for a while. how amazing was that?! haha.. it juz works in ways u never noe huh? but i'm glad they did. it was nice of them to remember me n i appreciate that, even though i too wished someone else would call me out of the blue too. hope it's not too long before even the friendship wanes beyond repair.

Hols are heRe

2006-05-28T21:05:00.000+08:00

juz came back from the nanyang alumni 1 day johor trip late last night. boy was it fun! haven't enjoyed myself so much like this for quite some time. n this trip signifies the commencement of the june sch hols!! haha.. finally can get some time to settle down n do some real preparation for term 3 lessons. still got so much to learn abt autism n stuff.

waiting for kalong, kar-toon n kalai to finish watching tv so we can start our mahjong session! haha.. okies shall go off le..

hmm.. sometimes i think i hold on to words more than i realise.. well.. ??

updates??

2006-04-12T01:29:00.000+08:00

whoa.. i'm back after MIA for so long.. haha.. everything has been good. i'm now a converted associate teacher, presently taking an asd class in my school. how cool's that? turning asd too soon though! :)

n i still lurve all my friends.. shall be keeping in touch with some soon.. haven't done that in a long time. shall be back!!

Terminator 4

2006-02-21T18:32:00.000+08:00

this show was screening even before i knew or was prepared for it.. bleah.. so much for waiting..

inner chaos

2006-02-11T21:03:00.000+08:00

a touch on the face speaks volumes... ...or does it?

confusion reigns and the sky is grey once again..

2006

2006-01-02T13:38:00.000+08:00

new day.. new year.. new encounters.. may it be a blessed one :)

thoughts

2005-12-17T03:12:00.000+08:00

i promised myself juz some time ago for a dear fren's sake (who doesn't noe) that i wldn't drink unnecessarily. well.. i juz had some, quite unnecessarily, n feeling really woozy. can hear my heartbeat in my head increasing in such decibels. it wasn't to drown sorrows or anything lidat though. this time a certain other fren is doing that, i'm juz here to keep her company.

n now, as i read jinx's blog's last entry, my tears started to pour. i always knew she played the piano beautifully n was really talented at it. either she juz nv realised it or the pple ard who have heard her play didn't give her half the credit she always deserved. perhaps she nv saw herself the way i always did. u see.. i'm happy for her. truly. and am glad she still keeps me in her list of pple whom she asks God to bless n keep. i wish her every happiness life can bring. and wish her true inner joy for being herself, that she embraces everything that comes along in life. perhaps things may not go back to the way they used to be. i juz wan to always be ard when she needs someone.

zero

2005-12-14T21:32:00.000+08:00

expectations always bring disappointments. almost without fail..

darn.. i juz dun get it do i?!
no more expectations from me. period.

ghost of yOu aNd me

2005-12-11T23:45:00.000+08:00

it's weird how some things have passed for 2 years n yet still surfaces in ur mind when u least expect it.

took me quite by surprise this time.

dunno why it still haunts me.

i swear i've gotten over it.

well.. perhaps not quite..

gum gum bubblegum

2005-12-01T00:23:00.000+08:00

lalalala.. hey u.. (yes u!!) u noe who or wad i mean by the title rite? haha.. anyway i got this today: "always seek first to understand rather than be understood.." wow.. it's almost like an answer man. hmm.. i wonder...? could it be....? oh well..

so i nv actually thought abt it concretely b4 but this certain someone who quoted the above has indeed taught me many things since the day our paths crossed. it didn't really occur to me much till i heard myself saying these words to others. sometimes i think God really does work in miraculous ways so beyond our limited minds' comprehension. thank you.

took leave off from work tmr. though this day has been approved like more than a mth ago, i realised juz yest that it turned out it was quite a bad day to be on leave. kinda like a day where many things were happening n needed to be done. plus 2 new admin staff will be coming. sigh.. alritey.. full steam ahead from friday onwards.. dear Father, please grant me the strength n wisdom for me to always exercise integrity n excellent character in all that i do. amen.

beHind tIme

2005-11-26T22:59:00.000+08:00

okies.. this is in honour of sick birdie..hey jass jass!! :) haha.. okies i haf not blogged for a long time.. not that nothin interesting's been happening.. prolly too busy.. (excuse!) or maybe i juz have too many things to say that i dun wanna bother..

anyways, got a msg from marc the other day abt the boys going into action again for paya lebar cup, wish them all the best, perhaps i can watch their 2nd match tmr. hmm.. think i muz make it a point to go cuz i kinda miss them.. haven't heard the crappy boys for some time already..

pple at work hav been really good to me. thank God for that. hope i can always do my job well.

bumped into yaqi today while on my way to ny for frenly with ling yun. it's been so long since i last saw her.. kinda lost contact when she changed her phone, so was really glad when i saw her. still somewhat the same, flamboyant n all.. n not working at the moment. time for me to make it a point to meet up with her n do some catching up! before she plunges herself into the working world again.. lucky girl.. so carefree now..

hmm.. think my life's been revolving around lots of changes recently.. cannot say i'm entirely adjusted to it all yet, i'll juz haf to get used to certain things. i always noe that the only constancy in life is change, but somehow i cannot bring myself to overlook the iminent possibilities that changes bring. how ironic. perhaps i need more time to deal with everything.

still seekin to be understood.. that's all..

unreason

2005-10-31T15:31:00.000+08:00

no.. i'm not fine.. but thanks so much for asking..

i'm sick.. depressed.. stressed.. upset.. n worst of all misunderstood..

care n concern for others is seriously over-rated. perhaps it's time to denounce it.

maybe it's my time to disconnect from the world cuz tears only do so much.

一路北向

2005-10-30T07:29:00.000+08:00

后视镜里的世界
越来越远的道别
你转身向背
侧脸还是很美
我用眼光去追
竟听见你的泪

在车窗外面排徊
是我错失的机会
你站的方位
跟我中间隔着泪
街景一直在后退
你的崩溃在窗外零碎

我一路向北
离开有你的季节
你说你好累
已无法再爱上谁
风在山路吹
过往的画面
全都是我不对
细数惭愧我伤你几回

后视镜里的世界
越来越远的道别
你转身向背
侧脸还是很美
我用眼光去追
竟听见你的泪

在车窗外面排徊
是我错失的机会
你站的方位
跟我中间隔着泪
街景一直在后退
你的崩溃在窗外零碎

我一路向北
离开有你的季节
你说你好累
已无法再爱上谁
风在山路吹
过往的画面
全都是我不对
细数惭愧我伤你几回

我一路向北
离开有你的季节
方向盘周围
回转着我的后悔
我加速超越
却甩不掉紧紧跟随的伤悲
细数惭愧我伤你几回
停止狼狈就让错纯粹

周杰伦

hole..

2005-10-20T22:10:00.000+08:00

i'm such a freaking lousy fren.. sucks..

sorry jinx..

Underserving

2005-10-16T23:13:00.000+08:00

i came online thinking i had loads of things to put into words..
n now as i'm staring at this page i feel as if my mind's never been more empty..

someone says: pple move on into diff stages in life, with diff frens n diff lifestyle.. so u put those who belong in the past in the past..

i say: humans are mean beans n they hanker after wad's new, forgetting the old.. we all do that..

well.. whichever way u put it, we're juz such limited beings aren't we? cannot help it at all. juz can't. maybe i think too much.

Iris

2005-10-16T22:31:00.000+08:00

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

Goo Goo Dolls

like a cloth woven..

2005-10-13T21:41:00.000+08:00

today a dear fren of mine actually told me that some things have changed n are no longer wad they used to be. she feels that the days of openly sharing her feelings n experiences were over. n i didn't even see it coming. during our chat online i was thinking to myself: not like i intentionally kept myself from her such that we drifted wad.. did i? d 3 of us who used to be so comfortable together.. have we lost that in oblivion? sigh.. gotta fix this if we can.

----------

i noe this person who's suffering from dyslexia. she juz told me recently that it's not even mild dyslexia in her case. so i suppose she means she's severely dyslexic. i always thot there was only one symptom to this. like spelling ramble as ramdle and buona vista as bouna vista. during the course of one conversation unrelated to this matter, i learnt from another certain someone however that there are other even more serious repercussions to this particular disorder. the reason why i was so interested to find out abt dyslexia was this. the person in question really impressed me. she's so professional n confident in her daily work n all.. one cld nv have guessed it. well, still i noe she has many other things to deal with besides this, so that makes me stand in awe of her even more sometimes. quite an inspiration..

aRigaTo

2005-10-08T13:13:00.001+08:00

ok, here's the photo we took at the sajc alumni dinner. my dearie classmate yanling actually took d effort to send this to me, how sweet of her.

well, there were only like 7 from our class who went, still it was quite a joy seein them, n all the rest of my bball mates too of course, juz too bad we didn't snap any shots.
so it seemed junyang was d ultimate centre of attraction but we didn't really feel as ultra 'xinfu' as some of the near screaming waitresses n younger juniors who were waiting anxiously behind the camera person who was taking this shot so that they can start to mob him haha.. it was great seein some of class 2A4 again, wish there were more who came though. oh.. jy's still shorter than me.. aiyo.. tsk tsk.. haha so mean to still tease him abt this even now.. well, i kid..

so here's my thank you list for the day:

thank yoU for everything.. the trouble dolls n heartfelt chats n eating outs n shopping sessions n sharing n trust n joy u bring to me all these years..

thank yOu for the pulley n key chain n lollipop n smiley n minna n the fun n the laughter yOu brought to my life..

thank YoU for the constant weeks of convenience at ur inconvenience that i may enjoy the grace i've been promised n warm milk n ocassional talks that we've had before drifting off to sleep..

thank You for the simple friendship n times when we had to scrimp n save juz to get a coloured drink..

thank ewe, for simply being ewe. wouldn't have wanted it any other way..

n last of all, thanks to God for having given me everything n all the love n care that i never really deserved..

Here Without You

2005-10-08T11:13:00.000+08:00

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face

A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don’t think I can look at this the same

But all the miles that separate
They disappear now when I’m dreamin' of your face

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me

Everything I know
And anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won’t take away my love
And when the last one falls
When it’s all said and done
It gets hard but it won’t take away my love

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

3 Doors Down

What A Mess!

2005-10-07T23:23:00.000+08:00

The loss of mystery has led to the loss of majesty.

The more we know, the less we believe.

No wonder there is no wonder.

We think we've figured it all out.

Strange, don't you think?

Knowledge of the workings shouldn't negate wonder.

Knowledge should stir wonder.

Who has more reason to worship than the

astronomer who has seen the stars?

Than the surgeon who has held a heart?

Than the oceanographer who has pondered the depths?

-Max Lucado-

bashful brilliance

2005-10-03T21:53:00.000+08:00

beautiful ain't it? like d sun's peeking thru the leaves..

moment captured but soon to be lost..

tAke fLight wiLL yOu?

2005-10-03T21:13:00.000+08:00

i simply HAVEN'T got the time to read any other fren's blogs cept for those written by jinx, em, carm n matt. argh.. so so so tired..

hmph..

maybe u'll simply never noe rite? it's ok really.. fine by me..

wah..

incoherent piyo..

special People, special Me

2005-10-02T21:53:00.000+08:00

to sum up, i've literally made myself fit to be labelled a movie buff. 3 movies in d previous 2 days?! hah, let's recap.. corpse bride on friday evening with jinx, andy lau's wait till u're older on sat evening with chia ying, n i watched the myth by myself sat morning too. well i do tt once in a blue moon. wad a weirdo i hear? haha oh well.. when i'm sure no one's gonna watch it with me n i was at the rite place at the rite time, so wad the hell? incidentally those who were in d cinema were all like me. think there were abt 6 of us. haha.. annual union of the lone rangers.

anyway so glad jinx is back from the U.S man, been away for so long. heard abt some of her experiences, quite amusing.. happy for her.. oh she got me something that's from guatemala called trouble dolls. 1 for each of my troubles a day. altogether there r only 6, so i'm only allowed to haf 6 troubles a day. hehe.. hope i dun haf to use any of them okies? thanx babe, love ya :)

perhaps it's due to the nature of the school i'm working in, i've been getting increasingly interested in things having to do with special education and people with special needs. met up with chia ying (one of the teachers in grace orchard school) n went for the very special children's arts exhibition at atrium@orchard at plaza singapura. it amazes me how well they can express themselves thru their bold strokes of colours. 4 of our students' works were displayed there too, n i think they were quite impressive. actually felt some sort of pride when i viewed them. then juz this morning i went for the national disability games held at nus. our bball boys played really well n emerged 2nd, quite an accomplishment i muz say, n again a quiet sense of pride welled up in me. although some of them misbehaved, all went well on the whole.

anw when i was at the arts exhibition i realised there was a support group for pple with muscular dystrophy. this was the genetic disorder that my brother was suffering from. when i knew this i kinda felt that, u noe.. that at least there's some sort of association out there helping these pple n i felt really glad. then it juz struck me that having such a close brush with disability in the family was perhaps the reason why i ain't afraid now. wad i mean is that i used to find it absolutely appalling n odd why some pple are simply intolerant of pple with disabilities. or intolerant of anything for that matter. hmm.. can't really get wad i'm trying to say across at this point of time. i'm prolly tired. another day perhaps..

friends.. pls tk care of urselves k? weather hasn't been good n wad with all those diseases n all, do be on high alert at all times. wish i had more time to catch up with everyone. meanwhile stay healthy n happy! praying for You, u, you, ewe, yoU, n yeah.. yOu..

The Ultimate Collector / Consumer

2005-10-02T20:37:00.000+08:00

this excerpt was taken from my best fren's blog. some quite interesting points abt myself that i prolly nv knew much abt.. hmm.. didn't really crack my brain enuff to examine wad it's saying exactly though. still, it's worthy stuff to be posted. okies here goes, courtesy of jeannie chan, best pals always ya? :)

----------
For as long I've known her, Peiyi has been collecting one item after another with relentless determination. From little porcelain cups, to McDonalds' soft toys and even DVD collections. She had to get every single piece and complete every collection otherwise she'd feel quite unsatisfied.

Peiyi, remember I once told you that I'd tell you about what it meant to collect and to be a collector? I did a search on the Net and found the theory that I once came across while I was reading Jean Baudrillard during my Uni days. Here are some key points of his theory based inferences made on secondary sources (if you really want to do Baudrillard justice, you'll have to get hold of his book, "The System of Collecting" and read it.):

--> The collection offers a paradigm of perfection and constitutes a 'system' on the basis of which the subject seeks to piece together his world, his personal microcosm. It is an attempt to gain mastery over an otherwise chaotic reality.

--> Objects, upon being possessed by the collector, stop being defined by their functions and enter the order of subjectivity. Abstracted from its context, each object loses its presentness, displaces its temporality to the spatiality of a fixed repertoire, in which classification substitutes history. In this sense, collecting becomes an act of enclosing the object in such a way that its context is abolished in favour of the synchronic logic of the collection.

--> A key paradox lies in the act of collecting: The hunt to possess the single object and the serialism of amassing more and more objects.

--> The acts of collecting generally depend on a form of consumption, but a form in which the product is carefully preserved, not used or used up; on the other, they are clearly acts of production, the making of the collection per se, the creation of a certain order. In an era when it is difficult to manifest one's individualism through fashion (consumerism-as-usual) and when few Americans are satisfied to define who they are through the daily work they perform, collecting may serve as an especially satisfying mode of self-definition. The "miracle of collecting," after all, as Jean Baudrillard put in Le système des objets (1968), is that "what you really collect is always yourself." Whether your collection serves as a public display or as a private preserve, it's a form of expression where you materialize that abstract thing called the self, where you can thus see and handle yourself, even talk to yourself, taking comfort in the way objects stabilize you as a subject.

--> The key quality of a collection: The missing piece. The absent element is crucial to the collection process as it interrupts what Baudrillard has called, the 'deadly hypnotic allure of the collection to which the subject otherwise falls prey.' By this, I gather that Baudrillard feels that the act of collecting one item after another can be hypnotic, but the allure of remaining in thr stasis of self-imposed hypnosis is usually held at bay by the fact that the collector will always face the trouble of the 'missing piece', which forces him to break out from his own microcosm to socialize with other people, such as other collectors, in effort to locate the missing element.

*Note: Jean Baudrillard was a French philosopher who wrote extensively on consumer society, consumption and commodification.

indifference

2005-09-24T20:40:00.000+08:00

when it's right there in front of u.. it appears to haf adopted traits of invisibility.. u overlook it's existence.. u ignore it's efforts.. u simply ride on when it passes without so much as any hint of acknowledgement.. instead u hanker after the aloof n what's miles out of your universe.. u're bothered when u stretch for the unreachable n u fall short of it by far..

such is the irony of human nature..

you're beautiful

2005-09-23T17:08:00.000+08:00

some pple haf sad lives don't they? beauty flees at the sight of them.

Nowhere to run

2005-09-22T19:11:00.000+08:00

haf tried once again to challenge the fragility of life. i almost died a brightly lit death on lantern nite. thank you God for keeping my puny lil heart alive till now. nevertheless it was adrenaline rush fun. thereafter an extremely kindhearted man drove a bunch of crazy birds all the way to the doorstep of their intended destination. wad a nice soul eh? 'qia' him coffee next time i see him haha..

i realise we must always remember to give thanks no matter wad. to always be appreciative. lest anything untoward happens to whoever or whatever ominous crops up or wherever becomes no more. before time runs out so abruptly u wun even know wad hit u. in the past i was a thankless person n didn't even noe it. i guess as we all grow n experience different pple n encounters our perception n values undergo fine tuning. thank God for those who haf taught me :)

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

那女孩对我说

2005-09-22T18:29:00.000+08:00

心很空　天很大　云很重
我恨孤单　却赶不走
捧着她的名字　她的喜怒哀乐
往前走　多久了

一个人心中只有一个宝贝
久了之后　她变成了眼泪
泪一滴在左手　凝固成为寂寞
往回看　有什么

那女孩对我说　(说我)保护她的梦
说这个世界　对她这样的不多
她渐渐忘了我　但是她并不晓得
遍体麟伤的我　一天也没再爱过

那女孩对我说　说我是一个小偷
偷她的回忆　塞进我的脑海中
我不需要自由　只想背着她的梦
一步步向前走　她给的永远　不重

黄义达

this empty street

2005-09-11T18:54:00.000+08:00

this sucks. not so much the ultra boring n over-rated mid autumn fest at hwa chong. not the lousy n possible stale almost inedible food which induced me to tears towards the end. not the goodness knows how bad knee injury i incurred. not the police incident. not even the constant sniffing i had to withstand throughout the nite.

it's ewe.

n now as i sit here typing this miserable entry in the most sickly state i doubt if this even comes close to how i felt when realisation hit me.

pls enjoy ur colours then. and leave me be.

xIn fu

2005-09-09T02:55:00.000+08:00

warmly prepared milk might make me slp better sometimes.. juz for that minute i felt so pampered.. barely a fleeting moment though.. thank u for that :)

do ewe u get it when i say "u always look but u nv see"? guess not.. cuz if otherwise i wldn't still be running ard in circles here..

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

2005-09-09T02:38:00.000+08:00

I walk a lonely road
The only one I that have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Blvd. of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find
Till then I'll walk alone

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line of the edge
And where I walk alone

Read between the lines of what's
Fucked up and everything's all right
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
And I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find
Till then I'll walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Blvd. of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a..

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find
Till then I'll walk away

Green Day

mO mO

2005-09-07T00:21:00.000+08:00

at poon's house now.. hmm.. wad to say wad to say? i seriously lack slp but am not getting any. cannot even make myself lie down.. haha.. bleah..

had this camp in sch.. stayed over to help out n all.. dere was bbq n movies n games.. bbq banana is the best!!

hands so tired.. chaos..

loveLy

2005-09-03T04:35:00.000+08:00

u noe wad.. i think i haf a problem.. it's called unearthly slping hours. wait, or better yet, eternally awake disorder. haha.. catchy huh..

incidentally there's juz this much inside waiting to burst out. ironically though, being elusive is the only way in which to keep myself sane. am i the most confused person alive or wad? still i always know there's a certain someone who will beat me in that area hands down. u noe who u are.

i juz read this off an envelope on jeannie's table. "desperation is the mother of inventiveness/creativity." bravo.

oh whiskey's put on so much weight! whiskey the cat i mean hehe.. 1.5 times her previous size i swear! u juz see her all the time jinx, that's why u nv noticed la! but she's still the cutest meow ever.

aunt's going back to hong kong in a few hours time. hope i dun cry. i prolly will anyway. argh.. time's so not on my side. think that will be all. may i get to see ewe :)

quOte

2005-09-03T04:10:00.000+08:00

so i guess it's just best not to love at all right..?

Smooth sailing

2005-09-03T03:13:00.000+08:00

You're not entirely comfortable around each other right now, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Friendships need to change and stretch and grow. Perhaps one of you is a little itchy in their own skin, doing some necessary evolving and requiring a little space in which to do it; maybe you're each exploring new acquaintances or interests, stuff you want to keep mostly for yourself for a little while. Keep your lines of communication open -- they may not be crackling now, but they will be again.

uPdaTe

2005-08-28T21:56:00.000+08:00

it's been a busy week.. got this job at grace orchard sch.. no personal usage of sch computer whatsoever says it all.. first time i'm online for days. super busy can.. but it's ok.. the pple r nice.. to me.. n that's important yeah..

back in contact with jeannie already :) it's great to be. thanx for calling me babe! n let's not think abt the dying wish anymore k? changed my mind wad.. life's gotta be great somehow, wadeva freak things come along.. tk heart n press on ya? do it for me la.. haha.. if this works for u :)

my aunt's back from hongkong n only stayin for a couple of days so gotta squeeze wadeva time i haf for her man.. generally my week went fine.. met buiby for dinner on mon.. forgot wad i did on tue.. went for cell grp on wed.. had senior junior game at sa on thur, which we played for hrs n won 142-111 followed by a sumptuous dinner at ikea.. fetched my aunt from d airport on fri.. did d usual stuff on sat.. church, shopping with aunt, n a huge steamboat dinner today.. phew..!! all in a week's work.

so full now.. gotta leave for home soon.. prolly hafta ot tmr n tue.. plenty of stuff to prepare for teachers' day celebrations bleah.. so much for my plans to watch march of the penguins.. oh well.. nvm.. can look at the snapshots of a certain dubious mr penguin in my aunt's phone.. haha.. darn farnie.. tata~!

Pro-Det-Si-Bu-Sa

2005-08-19T22:13:00.000+08:00

aiya!! junyang is out of project superstar! sigh.. cannot believe it. tsk tsk tsk.. unfair la.. i'm so gonna protest!! kelly had better win. she's the best.

heaven in a wild flower

2005-08-19T12:49:00.000+08:00

i hope to be an encourager :)

天堂

2005-08-17T12:59:00.000+08:00

牵着你在天空飞翔这样看世界不一样
有了你在身旁笑的脸庞世界或许就这么宽广

忽然就忘记了慌张人海之中你最明亮
无意间的影响渐渐扩张你丰富我生活感想

何必寻找所谓的天堂原来我因为你不想再去流浪
情愿平凡不拥有一切也无妨有了你在心上依然是天堂

光良

blah..

2005-08-17T12:49:00.000+08:00

it finally rains.. think it has held on since yesterday when plans were being made for an evening of bball. i thank you God :)

wanted to play till i dropped haha.. but cannot la.. hafta make my way home. sigh.. mom's gonna be around everyday now.. really need a new place to stay man.

blah blah blah blah..

blah blah blah blah blah..

tt's it. chaos.

loving me loving you

2005-08-16T13:05:00.000+08:00

i'm so making a jab at u!! hope u get it hehe.. :)

the week flew by n before i noe it, i had rocked at the stream of praise concert, the ny alumni dinner's over, my heels hurt so much more n i'm still running around in circles. there there.. settle down, settle down now.. wish i had that in mind ages ago. oh well..

i dun feel at all that good ya noe. yeah ewe.

bad news from xdz, they lost to anderson sec yesterday. shoot! they shd be playing rgs at this moment, hope they win it today. cuz if they dun they're gonna be out. sucks. ominous feeling. this really sucks big time cuz rgs is too darn good. argh.. crossing my fingers. whatever the outcome i'll make sure i'm down for their match against nan chiau, final or not..

jasmin the ka-long kia's gonna haf her oral soon. hope she does well.. spent so much time giving her tips leh.. jiayou ka-long..

shall be off now. lotsa stuff to do. n lots not to do. la la la la la..

Cannonball

2005-08-12T15:31:00.000+08:00

Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on

Still a little bit of your ghost your witness
Still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed
You step a little closer each day
Still I can't say what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

Still a little bit of your song in my ear
Still a little bit of your words I long to hear
You step a little closer to me
So close that I can't see what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannon

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to cry
So come on courage!
Teach me to be shy
'Cause it's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna scare her
It's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna lose
It's not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know

Damien Rice

i waLk aLone

2005-08-12T15:21:00.000+08:00

i was trudging along under a block of flats today. when i saw some teachers with a bunch of kindergarten kids. the tiny tots were geared up in gloves n all, every pair of hands holding on to this rope in wide-eyed anticipation, apparently preparing for a game of tug-of-war.
wish i was one of them.

somebody please save me from myself.

Cuppycake

2005-08-11T18:23:00.000+08:00

You're my Honeybunch Sugarplum
Pumpy-umpy-umpkin
You're my Sweetie Pie
You're my Cuppycake Gumdrop
Snoogums-Boogums
You're the Apple of my Eye
And I love You so and I want You to know
That I'll always be right here
And I love to sing sweet songs to You
Because You are so dear

-Some Baby-

:)

2005-08-09T04:45:00.000+08:00

it feels great to be high.. did ewe noe?

aT Odds

2005-07-28T12:38:00.000+08:00

different treatment AGAIN.. everytime.. without fail..

wake up your idea already my dear girl.. don't you EVER get it? you're just ain't the same.

and NEVER will be. period.